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2011-09-19T16:57:00.000-07:00

I can appreciate living on the "main street" of UCI now. I think literally there's a bus that comes by every 5 minutes going in one direction or the other. It makes me think -- would a bus lane be work on this street from 8a-7p on weekdays? The busses are pretty regular already so it might not be the most important thing, but it might be a good place to show how this could work in an environment like here at UCI.

It's also interesting to have the view out your window every morning, afternoon, and evening of this major street--people riding their bikes, walking, in their cars, on the UCI bus and the OCTA bus. Makes for a nice "view" of life outside the window.

Writing on 9/11 + 10 years

2011-09-11T00:46:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the topic of 9/11 due to all the media coverage of the 10th anniversary. I remember being in bed, sick, on 9/11/2001. The time that has passed seems to have been literally the blink of an eye. Since that day when I was 17 until now that I'm 27, I feel as if I've grown so much as a person, but also that so much in the world has changed. It's hard to quantify and express what I feel like has changed but I can feel in my heart that many things have changed both within my life and also in my environment.

In these past 10 years...

As I write these words, the weight of the time passed seems to suddenly hit me more. In 2001, I was planning a SGI-USA peace festival. In 2011, I am a Zone YMD leader. In 2001, I had started my first month of Senior year in High School. In 2011, I have finished my last day of work and have been preparing for life as a grad student.

In the next 10 years...

As of yet, I don't know. What the course of my next ten years will be is obscured; however, the image that was there before was even more obscure! The challenge is to fight where I am as best as I can. In 2021, where will my life be? Where will my country be? I am going to be working and contributing in a significant way to the propagation of the buddhist humanist ideals that I share with my mentor. I am going to be a father. The US is going to be in the forefront of efforts for a peaceful world. My family is going to be united and joyful. These things will be a thing of wonder but with friends in-faith and a correct guide, I am certain to see the day.

Today, I met with my Zone to plan for our future activities. Discussion centered on what to do for our Zone 11/28 celebration. We've come up with some tentative plans. Want to discuss more and unite in our daimoku toward this event. Feeling the need to chant more determined and serious daimoku right now as we start the movement toward this event.

Afterward, the West Territory Soka Spirit team had a videoconference to encourage and kick-off our daimoku, study, and disassociation efforts toward 11/28. I was amazed by the quality of the call! United disciples are a powerful force for justice!

Then went to visit the Plaza to commence work on a LGBT Group It Gets Better video. I am lax for having it let sit until now to start work on it; however, I want to finish it as soon as I can so that we can encourage as many people to attend the LGBT Group FNCC Conference in 2012.

Later, I got to hang out one more time with my buddy from 2006 before she returns back to Japan. I love my Class of 2006; I think we're all social people who are probably one of the most social of the founding classes. Got to talk with other people as well and was able to see that it's so important to trust your daimoku about your mission, honestly, that will only reveal it self until later, but the spirit to never give up is key! Tomorrow hope to spend time talking more with others that are around right now to catch up and share, hear, and make a new departure toward the end of the year together with them.

Fighting away a cold right now and am doing my best to not overwhelm myself with stuff. On my plate still is resumes for paid internships, transcribing the raw video for the IGBP video, and an LGBT Group meeting tomorrow. Fighting side by side with my mentor right now, learning to create unity and strength!

Halfway through the year

2011-07-01T14:50:00.000-07:00

It's halfway through the year and so far in the past 3 months I feel like I have had no roots. Time to put them down in these next three months.

Looking at my life in the longer-term perspective here's what I see:

I've got goals:

1. Pay off my credit card debt without tapping into extra resources. That looks like its going to be around 600 a month over almost 3 years! *yowza*

2. Get back down to 200#. That looks like its going to be pretty regular lifting and cardio training over the next year to year and a half. Working on about a pound per week.

3. Enriching the lives of the YMD in SoCal-West Zone. That's looking like reaching out and inspiring YMD at least two to three times per week, one-to-one, life-to-life.

4. Start, advance, and take-off on my new career in Urban and Regional planning. That's looking like I'm going to need to spend a lot of time studying for the next 12 months. It's both exciting and daunting all at once.

That's all for now!

RE:# (Rehash)

2011-05-26T18:40:00.000-07:00

Was exploring my e-mail mailbox earlier today at work. I found some interesting things...at the beginning of the month I was ready to challenge my human revolution regarding relationships of the three existences -- past present and future. :-) After a week of intense daimoku it seemed like things would be fine and then over that weekend several things happened -- someone whom I dated before moved back into town, a former boyfriend e-mailed asking for a favor, a friend I pined for a long time checked me out, and a few of my dates from Colorado hit me up randomly. I guess the past existences all just decided to pop up at once; now to see about exitstences present.

Israel & Security Lessons for the US?

2011-05-26T16:53:00.000-07:00

I read a news story about What Israel can teach us about security in Canada & the US. Interesting read.

What caught my attention was a quote by soHonestly, a little bit of community outrage over inefficient and

The bonds of the heart...

2011-05-26T01:45:00.000-07:00

I love this time of year; I don't get to say it much because I'm usually running around, but 2011 has afforded me time to enjoy hanging out with my alumni friends. I have so many things to do, but I have a few minutes to spare today before I go to bed. It's so amazing to meet people who have bonds linking hearts. Soka is like Glee for 4 years or Hogwarts or something else. All those similes fail to explain it so well, but it's amazing to see a group of friends that you have this bond with, one that you can't explain so easily to people who haven't experienced it but a bond that lasts over time not dependent on space. One that you gradually come to realize refreshes you and helps you stay focused on what your dreams are. As the world is in transition and the things that we used to assume were quite sure are showing themselves to be not so sure, it's nice to know these bonds don't change character, they grow, strengthen, and deepen. I love you all :D Alumni :D I lovvvveee youuuu!

92 of 100 days until December 31st turns to January 1st

2010-10-01T00:44:00.000-07:00

So I'm going to blog this. Gonna put my thoughts out there.

There's a lot been going on in my life since the beginning of the year. Best part about life this year - I've been able to experience what it is like to "Rock the Era" what it is like to challenge the fundamental darkness inherent in life and not give in to it's influence and what it's like to determine to do something and follow through.

Through it all there's been a lot of challenges. I think mostly the mental challenges, the roadblocks that we've put up ourselves, in our own minds, of what is our limitation. I am starting to realize though that I have personal roadblocks too in my external life.

My challenges for the rest of two-thousand-and-f'ing-ten:

1. Lose weight, like significant weight.
2. Pay down my credit card debt, all while not going over my monthly income.
3. Find what path lies in my future.

Challenges a plenty, life condition, sometimes not so plenty. So I'm going to challenge myself for the next few months to chant 2 hours a day, every day, with these specific goals in mind: Weigh 210 lbs by the beginning of next year; pay down my debts 50%; and apply to a graduate school.

Some amazing photography!

2010-01-21T22:58:00.001-08:00

25 Breathtaking Examples of Nature Photography | Inspiration - StumbleUpon

Some inspiring nature photography i stumbled-upon.

Israeli Thoughts on Airport Security

2010-01-21T22:56:00.001-08:00

I read an interesting article about airport security in the US. Something that has been on my mind recently since I've been spending a lot of my vacations recently flying back between Colorado and here visiting my family in the past year.

In interviewing an expert on security for Israel, one of the people quoted in the article discussed what would change the current airport security situation in North America.

What Israel can teach us about security - thestar.com - StumbleUpon

And rather than fear, he suggests outrage would be a far more powerful spur to provoking that change.

so much hate

2010-01-16T01:19:00.000-08:00

there's so much hate going on in the news right now. it's hard to believe that so much hate can come from people. However, the in-group-ing and out-group-ing of people is starting to drive me insane.

Honestly, I want to know how it is to become happy; I want to become happy! I want other's to become happy. I will have to change my life so that my society changes. I will be the best example of what it is to be a full human being. I leave that determination up to no other.

9 days into the new year

2010-01-09T11:37:00.000-08:00

and i've been sick for 3 of those 9 days. not a bad start do you think? well, chanting more today for those people who are at rock the era practice toward the MLK parade. wishing them the best of health.

happy 2000 and 10.

2009-12-31T16:58:00.000-08:00

Well, it's almost that hour where we start counting down the last few moments of the year. And as I review the minutes and days that have passed in 2009. I can't help but start to appreciate all that has happened. It's been a big year. Things have happened throughout the world in the past 18 months that only happen once in a hundred years. The next time some financial catastrophe like what's happened in 2008-2009, only a handful of us who are alive right now will be around.

Though it has been a catastrophic year for many people, and though many may continue to struggle with things throughout the world; it is, objectively, nothing new. There will be other things that take our attention once the economies of the world start functioning at a higher level, perhaps, not in the same way as they were "before".

The decade that is about to pass was one that started with an act of violence, where very few died, but many suffered. The way it ends at least in 2009 is one in which, very few have died directly because of the financial crisis, but many have suffered directly, and everyone has suffered indirectly.

It will never be as "before," but I have hope. I don't know where this hope comes from: I surely haven't got all of the things that I want, the things that I think I need. But, I appreciate those things I do have. Health, Family, Love and Beauty, Work, and Mission. Maybe, I'm happy and hopeful because I do have these things. :-)

Waxing poetic on this night of a full moon and cold weather. Something may be composed later on tonight!

about creating...

2009-12-28T13:58:00.000-08:00

About creating things, I've been consuming more so I can create more recently. And by that I don't mean I've been consuming food or anything, just knowledge and other sources of information. I hope that I can do this when I return to Southern California as well. I'm so much happier when I'm able to create and do and write.

I was reading something on from the OkCupid blog about Race vs. rate of message reply for same-sex data. It was interesting to analyze and synthesize the data in the respective races. It is also interesting to snythsize the data with the opposite-sex data as well. All this comes out of a conversation I was following on RealJock's forums about the racial "hierarchy" of "hottness." The OP's point was "hot is hot" no matter the race. What ensued was something less about percieved attractiveness, more about how "preferences" are "just that" preferences.

Of course, in my mind, I don't see preferences as "just" preferences. There's a reason why they exist and also there's a manner and method in which they were created. Part of being a human is coming to the realization that one is imperfect and that there are areas for improvement. This reminds me of the poem President Ikeda wrote to the members of Los Angeles:

As each group seeks their separate roots and origins, society fractures along a thousand fissure lines. When neighbors distance themselves from neighbors, continue your uncompromising quest for you truer roots in the deepest regions of your lives. Seek out the primordial "roots" of humankind. Then you will without fail discover the stately expanse of Jiyu unfolding n the depths of your life. Here is the home, the dwelling place to which humankind traces its original existence - beyond all borders, beyond all differences of gender and race. Here is a world offering true proof of our humanity.

If one reaches back to these fundamental roots, all become friends and comrades. To realize this is to "emerge from the earth."

4 more days until New Year's Day!

2009-12-27T01:27:00.000-08:00

As security has been tightened across the country in response to the attempted attack on the Delta Airlines Flight above the skies of Detroit, I wonder about the state of the US infrastructure. I understand that newer and larger airports like DIA or even ATL are better equipped to change their internal infrastructure around for security screening; however, it makes me wonder about airports like LAX or even somewhere like JWA/SNA. Would they physically have enough space to create the screening areas needed to ensure higher levels of passenger and aircraft security. Final thought: what a crazy world we live in.

As the day before yesterday was Christmas and I've been with the fam fam the past few days, it has dawned on me how much things change and stay the same. As cliched as it is, people and things around here change slowly. It may not be like LA and Southern California with it's faster-paced lifestyle, but at the same time, people don't just change in an instant, they change slowly, incrementally, sometimes quicker over a few months than others, but incrementally. It's only the time between when you see them that you notice the differences. I.e. I got called fat at home again. Lol. Welcome home!

Played a good game of Spades with the full set of rules, almost. Mayhaps, I should get another Spades group going back in SoCal.

more creation less consumption

2009-12-24T16:44:00.000-08:00

so one thing i was thinking while i was getting my laundry done while packing today...i want to consume less and produce more. that's just i think my crux right now. I feel like all i'm doing is consuming consuming but not really creating anything.

:-) so here's to more creating in 2010.

"Retweet" - let's see where I've been since then.

2009-12-09T23:29:00.001-08:00

1.1.07

My manifesto

Goals for Year 2007

1. I want to have a victory every day; 365 victories for 365 days.
2. On my birthday, I want to have a 32” waist (Levi size).
3. Every week, I want to share this Buddhism with someone new every week.
6. I want to read all of the Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Vol 1 & 2
7. I want to read all of the volumes of the Human Revolution and the New Human Revolution.
8. I desire to be the wisest person in all of the land.
11. I want to be someone who Ikeda Sensei can depend on after he dies.
12. I want to support the growth of Soka University.
18. In the summer, I want to travel to Cambodia and India.
19. I want to lay the foundation for my post-graduate schooling.
20. I want to have a long term relationship.
21. I want to respond to my mentor daily.
22. I want to challenge myself to do 1 million daimoku by 27 May 2007: Class of 2007’s graduation day.
24. I want to feel compassion for everyone.
28. I want to visit with my friends in Barcelona within 18 months.
29. I want to meet the man of my life in the next year.
30. I want to develop faith like water.
32. In all aspects of my life, I will advance and have daily victories.
33. By 31 March 2007, I will slash my credit card debt to $0.
34. I will chant 3 million daimoku in the year 2007.
35. At the end of the year, I will have 8~10% body fat. *(around 170lbs)
36. By December, I will report to Ikeda Sensei that I completed all my goals for the year.
41. I will strengthen myself to have the energy, time, and strength to do all above.
46. I will see things as they are.
50. I will determine to read all of the Living Buddhisms and World Tribunes from cover to cover, the week and day I receive them.
53. I will challenge political growth, this year.
55. I will to develop myself to my fullest capacity.
56. I will to see the impossible become possible.
57. I will inspire the impossible to become possible in others.
59. I want to be cognizant throughout the year 2007 of all my actions.
60. Wherever I am in the year 2007, I want to be at the forefront, the vanguard.
61. I want to challenge all the devils and demons, challenge my negative karma and negative decisions, past and present.
62. I want to find truth in everyone, respect it, and incorporate it in my life.
63. I want to enjoy the smallest and grandest moments in life.
67. I will home visit all the members in my chapter in January.
68. I will interact and get to know all the members in my chapter every month.
69. I will put $2400 into my retirement account in 2007. ($200 per month).
70. Every month, I will put $100 into my high-yield savings account.
71. By December 2007, I will find the graduate school I want to apply to.

determination + 4 days = GLEE!

2009-12-09T23:06:00.000-08:00

i have a growing addiction to Glee, which is confounded by the growing idocy of Fox for suspending the show until APRIL!

argh.

i will wait.

because i love you will schuester and emma.

and the quinn baby papa drama and rachel and finn and puck drama is that good too.

le sigh.

so after a hiatus

2009-12-05T14:03:00.001-08:00

i guess i shall be blogging again. jessica hit me hard when she said it's been longer than 6 months since i last posted. there shall be some renovations coming and maybe a move to a different site in the future. but i shall start writing again. :-D

Day 2: Headache

2008-06-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

Kevin woke up right as he was to turn around in his dream. He was confused and unsure what was going on; his BlackBerry was ringing. The alarm clock read 5:46am. He was sure it was Alex in his dream. It reminded him of the first time they met in the coffee shop down the street from his Kevin's parents' house.

Alex pressed to pick-up his phone, "Hello?"
"Hello."
"Uhh, yes, who is this?"
"Hi, this is Roberta from Doctor Cranor's office. I'm sorry to call you this early in the morning, but it's urgent."

Kevin sat up. Doctor Cranor is his family's doctor and also Alex's father.

"Yes. What's going on?"
"Well, as you know, Doctor Cranor is your family's physician, and, in your recent move out to California, we've been sending out files to your new physician there."
"Yes?" Kevin said, sure that whomoever it was on the other end of the phone could tell that he was not sure of why they were calling him at this time of the morning to talk about files.
"...and while preparing our files to send to your new physician, it seems like there's been a couple oversights in the care of some of your acute sicknesses."
"Umm...okay. So, what do you mean?" Kevin responded slightly irritated that it sounded like a billing inquiry at a quarter to six in the morning on a Monday of all days.

"So, usually you've been getting tested for HIV here at our office the past few years, once every 6 months or so."
"Right...," unsure of where this was leading.
"Kevin, I would suggest that you get tested again."
"Huh?" unsure of himself, he felt the world start to spin. "What do you mean?"
"What I mean, is that we've had results come back the past two times you got tested that were positives, but noted that you should get a more precise test. The testing equipment we have in this complex is older and not really accurate."
"What? But, Alex was there to tell me that the results were negative."
"Yeah, I was looking over the records and it says that you never came in and it looks like nobody followed up, since you usually just come to the office for these tests."

At that moment, Kevin felt his stomach surging and gurgling while the room dove into a fatal spin.

"Okay, Roberta. You're the cheery lady that always sits up front when I come in right?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you for the information, but I'm feeling a bit sick to the stomach right now."
"Are you going to be all right?"
"Yeah, I should be, but I'm going to try and find a trash can or something."
"Okay."
"I'll go and schedule an appointment with my new doctor in an hour or so."
"Sounds good. I'm praying that your results clear you of any questions."

At the moment that Kevin ended the call, he threw up. And it wasn't one of those regurgitations that made you feel any better. It was worse than when Kevin downed a bottle and a half of tequila when he turned 21. There was nothing in his stomach and he hadn't eaten much the day before. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do next. Call in sick for work, call the doctor, call Alex, or call his mom and dad. One sure thing was that he couldn't believe what Alex had done and he was furious and depressed.

Dreams: Hikaru

2008-06-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

I put the box of japanese ice cream into the fridge and closed the door and jaunted out into the living room. Once there, I flipped on the telelvision and then Hikki was on the television, I thought that it's nice that in the US we now have Japanese music on. David and Eric come home. This obviously is not our house or my apartment, it's definitely a hell of a lot nicer; really, it's beautiful as balls. I continue to watch while everyone else is doing their thing. I hear people in the kitchen and go to talk. To my surprise, there's Hikki in a showgirls' outfit.

(It just made me laugh, when I woke up.)

Day 1: Steaming Coffee

2008-06-27T00:04:00.000-07:00

As kevin sat down with his cup of coffee, the weight of the day became apparent to him: his shoulders ached, the balls of his feet were suddenly tender, and he wished he had his bottle of eye drops handy to relieve the deserts of his eyes. The hubbub of the coffee shop had quickly quieted down on his entrance and he started to worry about where he had just entered.
Growing up in a small college tow in the Rockies had given Kevin a sense of adventure, but left him incapable of seeing how different his family could be to the rest of his friends'. As he took his first sip of coffee and the weight of the day started to dissolve in the big black hot tub of his double shot foglifter, he suddenly felt isolated, cold and distant. The other people around him started to haze away to the thoughts of the home he just left--his loving, though crazy mother, his ever-going grandmother, and stoic, but funny father, even his ex-boyfriend the love of his life--Alex.
The canvas of Kevin's mind was painted with Alex's strokes. Kevin felt such an affinity for Alex the moment he met him and they had lived the past three years of their lives to the fullest, enjoying the most they could of each other and love.
And even with the best years of their lives behind them, Alex and Kevin weren't able to move together and start a new life in California. Alex decided to stay and Kevin wanted to go. At that moment as Kevin was reminscing on his life, he felt the heat of the stare of someone on his neck.

alert!

2008-06-22T23:02:00.000-07:00

Diana just told me...that she's going to colorado to clean her shorts.

comments anybody? how do I respond?

she's going to kill me for this.

aaaah!

2008-06-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

Good morning!
Good morning!

So, news to report, I'm going to Switzerland in September. A friend bought me a ticket--thank you friend!, and Hil is going to visit Zoe and her host family. I'm so stoked about this trip!

responsibility

2008-06-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

i am responsible for my life, and that would be something that I can't run away from.

this next month is going to be one of the toughest in my life. I won't go into details because I don't really want to share, but if I make it out of this month skinnier, I figure it'll be because I needed to lose the weight.

I'm glad that I've chanted enough right now to know that I have my life, I have the gohonzon, and I'm still able to chant to it and that's really all that I need to be happy.

It's time for me to change something in my life--something with my karma. I don't want to not face it anymore. Strength lies in not giving up. Courage lies in taking that first action. I am going to courage it up and strengthen that determination.

tia juana's / lucky (sunday)

2008-06-15T18:45:00.000-07:00

just got back from lucky at tia juana's.

i feel good, satisfied really.

i had a good time with tinki, juju, derek, ken and renee. it was nee's first experience at a gay bar and well probably ken's first experience at a drag show. i even got a dance with him. haha.

i had a good time really, it's been a while since i've been able to enjoy myself in that way. it's been way too long. :D

Anyways, facebook picture posts to come and all, but, just wanted to end the night with a positive note.

Encouragement from the ToMyFriends Yahoo Group/List

2008-06-15T18:29:00.000-07:00

"...you must never think that you are privileged in any way. People who
succumb to that delusion always end up regressing in life and in faith.

"Instead of concerning yourselves with becoming successful or important, I
hope you will strive your hardest behind the scenes and continue to exert
yourselves fully for kosen-rufu. If you polish your abilities, you'll
naturally come to shine. Mr. Toda did not ask us to become professional
clergy. Rather, he called on youth to become leaders who are dedicated to
working for the benefit of society. By that, he meant that we should become
leading figures in various fields and not restrict ourselves to the realm of
religion. The spirit of Buddhism is not narrow or restrictive; its aim is to
establish peace and happiness for all humankind."

SGI Newsletter No. 7568, The New Human Revolution--Vol. 21: Chap. 3,
Resonance 8, translated June 13th, 2008

Updating

2008-06-14T21:04:00.001-07:00

things left to update never get done, so here i am taking action.

things i'd like to do this summer:
*Sleep at least 7 hours a night
*Chant an hour every morning before work/activities/etc.
*Chant a half-hour every evening
*Introduce someone to this practice
*Study the gosho every day, even if it's a paragraph or two
*Strengthen my prayer for Soka Spirit
*Support the Courageous Hearts members
*Develop one capable leader for Kosen-rufu this season

Today was a day filled with leadership meetings. :-). I love my leadership teams, but I'm feeling the strain. I came home after one meeting, ate a bit, went to my bedroom for a minute, and then fell asleep in just a few minutes. I didn't even expect to, I thought I was going to be reading something. Haha.

But, it made me realize, that I need to stop pushing myself to do all these activities, and instead, focus on raising capable people who are able to fill these roles that I'm currently in.

Realized last night that for a moment, I was feeling more lonely than ever before, but at the same time, I felt it because I felt dissatisfied with life. Chanted this morning that I want to feel satisfied because this life is mine and I'm ultimately in charge of all aspects of it, so if I'm to feel dissatisfied, it's because I've let myself succumb to the thought that I *can't* change one aspect of my life or another.

buck up son.

2008-03-25T19:13:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Not much to spell out here. Things are going well. We had an awesome festival this past Saturday. I didn't do much work for it other than prepare a presentation for the discussion portion of the March 16th Celebration. OC YPG was on fire! The other groups were good, but OC YPG was hoooooootttttttttt!!!!!!! (Can't type those letters enough I guess). I was happy to see that Rey came. There were a couple other guests in my presentation group and about 10 of us presenting. :D. Promotions went okay. I've got to focus on the Japanese Gosho tomorrow and the Youth Chill day on Saturday for Soka Group. Sigh. It's weird to have a few free moments to myself.

I get to think back on a few things and see where I've come to. Still feeling like I need much more to go. But, it's nice to be able to rest a bit more than just "go-go-go."

waxing gay

2008-03-17T17:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.queerty.com/weighing-kings-culpability-20080317/

I was reading one of my regular blogs and I came across this. Honestly, i don't know what to think. Personally, I find inspiration in Gandhi's non-violent protests. Really, does violent action against violence encourage nothing but more violent thought and action?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcMEL3_YsVI

This i find is a more positive response to King's death.

welcome to the year 2008

2008-01-06T09:52:00.001-08:00

Nothing much to report, I got back safe!

The state of the world from Orange County, CA seems difficult to assess. I don't really like national cable news networks and also the local 'news' shows aren't really that interesting--they all cover 'breaking' news. :P it can't all be breaking people!

2007 - the year of advancement and victory

2007-12-31T19:17:00.000-08:00

We're nearing the final hours of the year 2007.

So, let's review my determinations and goals. See which ones became important to me and which ones were not.

Accomplishments in bold. Partial accomplishments in italics

1. I want to have a victory every day; 365 victories for 365 days.
2. On my birthday, I want to have a 32” waist (Levi size). [34" - but i have a gut hanging out again :S]
3. Every week, I want to share this Buddhism with someone new every week. [More than I have in my life, but still not daily, not even weekly. Monthly]
4. I want to maintain and grow connections with all my friends.
5. This year, I want to read 12 classics; one for every month.
6. I want to read all of the Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Vol 1 & 2
7. I want to read all of the volumes of the Human Revolution and the New Human Revolution.
8. I desire to be the wisest person in all of the land.
9. I want to taste victory at work.
10. I want to see the unlimited growth of Aliso Creek chapter and its districts.
11. I want to be someone who Ikeda Sensei can depend on after he dies. - He told us in the BSG 2007 FNCC conference that he trusts us as the core of the YD of USA.
12. I want to support the growth of Soka University.
13. I want to support the growth of the alumni of SUA.
14. I want to forge a relationship with my mom and dad of solid trust and care.
15. I want to support my obaachan in her golden years.
16. During their study abroads, I want to support both my brothers.
17. I want to firmly ingrain the desire to challenge all at hand.
18. In the summer, I want to travel to Cambodia and India.
19. I want to lay the foundation for my post-graduate schooling.
20. I want to have a long term relationship. I found a guy I like. It's getting there.
21. I want to respond to my mentor daily. Weekly, in all honesty.
22. I want to challenge myself to do 1 million daimoku by 27 May 2007: Class of 2007’s graduation day. - I kick myself in the pants for not doing this.
23. I want to encourage one person to join the SGI. - I did encourage one person, but I didn't get them to join; let's try again next year.
24. I want to feel compassion for everyone. - I still want to.
25. I want to find the excitement in post-graduate, working life. - I advanced.
26. I want to build strong life-long relationships with people wherever I go. - I'm trying more and more.
27. I want to visit my friends around the US, at least once this year. - I've laid the foundation down to visit my closest friends.
28. I want to visit with my friends in Barcelona within 18 months. - Barcelona seems like such a long time away. I wonder if I'll go back. I want to.
29. I want to meet the man of my life in the next year. - Is he the man of my life? I don't know. But I've found quite a few guys I'd love to have around for the next year of my life.
30. I want to develop faith like water. - Still working on it.
31. I want to challenge my self physically, mentally, spiritually; becoming stronger.
32. In all aspects of my life, I will advance and have daily victories.
33. By 31 March 2007, I will slash my credit card debt to $0. - But it's back.
34. I will chant 3 million daimoku in the year 2007. - is this too much?
35. At the end of the year, I will have 8~10% body fat. *(around 170lbs) - Is this too small? No.
36. By December, I will report to Ikeda Sensei that I completed all my goals for the year. - I'll write tomorrow at the kaikan!
37. Every month, I will surprise even myself in the victories I have amassed in my chapter.
38. I seek to have an open heart and open mind to all. - I still need to open my mind and seek a lot more.
39. I will bloom.
40. I will live as a Bodhisattva and Buddha do.
41. I will strengthen myself to have the energy, time, and strength to do all above.
42. I will live the year 2007, without regret. - Less regrets than last year.
43. I will be a fearless champion of discussion. - Chanting more to elevate my life.
44. I will be the lion of Aliso Creek Chapter.
45. I will develop my intellect, my capacity for feeling, and determination to truth.
46. I will see things as they are. - Developing my 'sight'.
47. I will become the most creative person to have worked in IT.
48. I will to bring beauty, fulfillment, and truth to my work.
49. I will visit Seattle and Jessica, Sammi and Central Florida, and Ryo and Chicago. - I went to Seattle. I will see Sammi and Ryo, I think, for Cass' Wedding!
50. I will determine to read all of the Living Buddhisms and World Tribunes from cover to cover, the week and day I receive them. - Reading, reading, reading.
51. I will change the course of humanity, this year.
52. I will be the strongest, most honest, and happiest gay man that any of my friends know.
53. I will challenge political growth, this year. - It's not an election year just yet, and I still know who I will vote for.
54. Within this year, I never will stop with any momentum I have. - We're rolling rolling rolling.
55. I will to develop myself to my fullest capacity. - Developing.
56. I will to see the impossible become possible. - Possibly-ing.
57. I will inspire the impossible to become possible in others.
58. By, 19 June 2007—the anniversary of my hiring—I will have changed the direction of SUA-IT’s HelpDesk.
59. I want to be cognizant throughout the year 2007 of all my actions.
60. Wherever I am in the year 2007, I want to be at the forefront, the vanguard.
61. I want to challenge all the devils and demons, challenge my negative karma and negative decisions, past and present.
62. I want to find truth in everyone, respect it, and incorporate it in my life.
63. I want to enjoy the smallest and grandest moments in life.
64. I want to fill pages and pages with my grandmother’s story.
65. I will make the growth of the SGI-USA in Fort Collins happen, with my daimoku here, and the support of my friends with my voice.
66. I want to be a shining example for anyone in how to live their life.
67. I will home visit all the members in my chapter in January.
68. I will interact and get to know all the members in my chapter every month.
69. I will put $2400 into my retirement account in 2007. ($200 per month).
70. Every month, I will put $100 into my high-yield savings account.
71. By December 2007, I will find the graduate school I want to apply to.
72. By January 1 2008, I will have saved $1500 for a new car.

A breath, to muse upon the bsg and my life right now.

2007-10-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

I am here. Hear me now! This is real. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing's going to stand in my way!

The wind is blowing all around me
But I'm still standing strong
My voice is getting louder and louder
And louder
So u can hear me sing my song

I am here. Hear me now! This is real. I'm unstoppable.
Nothing's going to stand in my way!

My life will never be the same
Because nothing's going to stand in my way

-Jennifer Paskow, "Unstoppable" (Finale)

Because I have a moment to breathe.

I love the SGI-USA. With appreciation for all the training I've had this past year, in 2007, I have to appreciate all my comrades-in-faith: my CIFs :P. They have more impact on me that even CEOs or CIOs or CFOs. My CIFs. Kansha first.

So, my week's been long, but oddly, I'm able to step back a bit and try to enjoy parts of my life--or actually not do BSG activites all weekend. Really September was just amazing in the amount of BSG activities I was involved in. I want others to really understand what the training of BSG is for--to really challenge the core of what you believe you are and what you are capable of. I think Sensei said that the BSG are the core of the YD and i'm beginning to understand what he means.

October is seemingly less 'continuous momentous challenge' as far as BSG is concerned--at least according to me. I'm going to be sending out an e-mail in a bit about the BSG--knowing that many of these guys want to see the performance at the festival next weekend, I actually really want to see the performance. Really, really, really. But, I know that at the heart of what it means to be in the Soka Gakkai is to do what Sensei would do is to support the members and guests at the event. To be BSG is to try and see, think, and act as Sensei would. Really, it's the foundation of the mentor-disciple spirit for many YMD and YWD.

Trivial thought of the blog: did you know that if you take one letter out of 'life' it becomes 'lie'?

My self-censored thought of the week: I don't have secrets, you just haven't asked.

My appreciative thought of the week: I am appreciative that we decided to move out of Laguna Summit when we did. Diana and I were protected in many aspects of our decision to move.

The melody in my brain goes a bit like ...

2007-10-04T23:24:00.000-07:00

So, sanshoshima are attacking. And boy do they know where to attack.

There's pride, ego, and arrogance. And then there's my finances.

The previous apartment that I lived in charged my debit account with the regular monthly $1575 that I would've been charged, if I still lived there. I also cut a check for the new apartment's first month's rent of $595. Somewhere between rock-bottom on my checking account and even further in the red, I had a moment of clarity tonight while chanting--sansho shima knows where I am weakest very well.

I checked my account last night and to my astonishment there was negative balance in my account Actually like negative $780 in balance.

Apparently, I need to cancel that Automatic Debit.

Plus, I just saw that that rent check for the new place is about to go through. I'm headed to the office tomorrow to explain why it's not going to come through and see if I can't work something out. I'm also chanting so that I can talk with the right people tomorrow at Laguna Summit's corporate office. But i'm feeling less confident with them--looking up the information on R. W. Selby & Company on Google gives me less hope for a quick resolution. Western Property Management shows up with a better BBB score. Which looks better, on paper.

Sigh. Sansho shima, I hate you.

Lists on break

2007-09-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

Four jobs I have had in my life:

Lunch bag assembler for firefighters (during the Summer of Fire in Colorado)
Car-washer
Courtesy Clerk
IT HelpDesk frontline technician

Four places I have lived:

Fort Collins, CO
Barcelona, Catalunya, Spain
Aliso Viejo, CA
Laguna Niguel, CA

Four TV shows I like to watch:

Ugly Betty

Four places I have been on vacation:

Regensburg (DE-Germany)
Granada, Andalucia (ES-Spain)
Zushi-shi, Kanagawa-ken (JP-Japan)
Paso Robles, CA (USA)

Four of my favorite foods:

Samosas & Curry
Dim Sum (esp Chicken Feet)
Sushi
Pizze italiane

Four places I would rather be right now:

Hiking
Dancing at a bar/club
Doing Soka Group

Four places I like to shop

H&M or Zara (difficult choice)
Target
Ikea
Urban Outfitters

....it's only mid-month!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-09-16T22:45:00.000-07:00

it's been such a long month already. I can't believe how much i've been doing related to bsg activities. diana agrees.

it's really been that long of a month.

I think i've been 'seeing' someone for almost 6 weeks now. this is weird.

as i have a moment to breathe

2007-09-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

I'm relishing in the moment. I forgot how fast-paced the beginning of semester can be. People coming in and out, calls all the time, balancing between Dell and HCY. It's amazing that this pace can be sustained until the next summer.

Daily Tip: When you know you're getting older...(maturity?)

2007-08-29T11:05:00.000-07:00

I'm listening to the "throw-back lunch" on Area 93 from home. I feel old. They're playing songs every once in a while that I remember as a kid listening to and singing along with. I feel older every time that happens.

time to think

2007-08-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

It's been really nice to have time to think. I feel like i've been busy with activities, but at the same time, I'm being more and more consistent with my practice. The funk of summer 2007--the inconsistency from week to week in my practice, emotions, and all other aspects of life--seems to have receded. But, I'm realising more and more that it means that I have to work hard to make sure that it doesn't happen again.

I enjoyed dinner with Justin and Sachiko--who's spending the next few days at our apartment--we had Hiyashi ramen/chuka soba. It was good. Had pomegranate chocolate chip ice cream for dessert. Oishi! Very good.

Justin and I talked about the future of the chapter and set goals. it was nice to sit down and start planning out our thing. So far what I have down is that:
(1) Shakubuku, member care and guest care (soka care).
(2) Connect with non-student YMD members
(3) Daimoku--chanting daily and tosos weekly.

I think those are three solid areas to work on.

It's nice to really sit and think about what to do in your life--it puts things into perspective.

I received an e-mail forward from Daito a few days back as well--from Nathan G.--reporting a victory for kosen-rufu that members in SE Virginia created. I was thoroughly impressed. It spurred on my desire to help connect the guests that we've had in the past years in my district and chapter to the organization and strengthen that bond--the bond of members, the bond of mentor and disciple.

Living life patiently...confidence and patience.

j'ai fini

2007-08-21T16:58:00.000-07:00

J'ai fini, c'est pas "je suis fini." Aunque pienso unos dias al final del dia laboral--he muerto.

Today was pretty good--at least as far as work is concerned--it was quite quiet. It's making me stir-crazy kind of. But all is good. Plans for Labor day weekend are coming together. I don't know about anything on the plans for Uyennie, but I hope those come together soon.

I would love to say g'bye to her, even if I don't see her often, it's more as if she's going to be leaving for a while and I won't be able to just call her up to go out and do something. Thus, I'm sad.

I'm realizing a lot of those people around me are leaving for other places--for their dreams. I'm happy that they're going. That also means, that there's now space for more local people in my life now too. Sad, but I now have to make more friends from around here, becoming more and more townie and not in the FoCo sense of 'townie.' (Beware! I may start making my hair look like something from DragonBall Zed, if I become too townie.)

sitting here at work on friday five minutes before i have to jet

2007-08-17T16:53:00.000-07:00

i was thinking...

that the mountains here are beautiful, because I still get to see mountains. Though the montains aren't the same as on the Front Range and that usually you can't see them because the greenery they've installed here blocks the way and that you have smog that usually obscures the view. At least I have two whole peaks to look at, every once in a while.

Obviously, i'm starving for mountains.

It's amazing how much your life feels different when your practice is regular and when it's not. it's like building upon quicksand or building upon bedrock.

on one hand, it's nice to make jokes. on the other hand, wit can be a time-bomb which bites your ass when you least expect it.

things, things, things!

2007-08-13T16:11:00.000-07:00

So, i haven't written in this for a long time.

A combination of doing a lot of things leading to an intense July and travelling back home for early August.

Lots going on, but not much movement. Some moments in the past 6~8 weeks have been pure bliss and utter tiredness. It feels like my life has grown in ways I can't explain yet, or may never be able to. At the sametime, I'm feeling like I'm losing grip on what I'm aiming for.

One thing that was inspiring to me--considering all the chatter that has been going on in the SGI about the Second Act of Global Kosen-Rufu--is what it means to have my own Second Act. I was reading the Human Revolution at home and one of the characters had a realisation about herself--that she complained alot to her leaders about members or fellow leaders. She made the determination to stop complaining about the people in her life. I want to make that a determination for the "Second Act" of my life as well.

I've turned 23 this year. It's an amazing time to be living in this world--for both good and bad. For the bad, we can turn on the television and see how bleak the picture is in our world. For the good, you turn to your friends and see the hope that they have for their own futures--even if they can't explain what they are.

Hmm...stuff to ponder...and write it out.

songs that have recently infected my dancing mind

2007-07-28T22:08:00.000-07:00

michael gray - the weekend [again, lest we forget about barcelona's plethora of men dancing to this song]
michael gray ft steve edwards - somewhere beyond
bob sinclar ft steve edwards - world, hold on
bob sinclar - love generation

Amazing

2007-06-27T09:58:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, it is no longer acceptable for anybody to compromise their dreams. It is no longer acceptable that you just accept suffering as your reality. You know, and sometimes, it's subtle. Sometimes, It's subtle. You know. It just seems like maybe things aren't changing. So we can easily fall pray to just buying that this the best that it's gonna it get. This new departure is a new departure for every single one of us. to wake up the faith of a brand new member inside of us. To look at the gohonzon with fresh new eyes of possibility, to really seak out our mentor. To study everything that he's writing right now trying to teach us the amazing power of our faith. to study the gosho. And I think it means also, that we will support each other in faith, support each other in terms of really being there and encouraging each other to never retreat, to never give in to any obstacle and to realize what president Ikeda said in March of this year, he said, "sincere earnest prayer is the quickest route to accomplishing anything." Prayer is the source of our strength, prayer is the source of our power. So it's really returning to prayer, not the strategy of our head first, the strategy of prayer first. and that when we really pray sincerely for, what do i need to do to change this problem. that wisdom is inside of us, it's always has been. but it needs that sort of sincere prayer." -Linda Johnson 2007.6.24. Amazing!

Two weeks later

2007-05-30T00:24:00.000-07:00

All I can say is that I appreciate succinct-ness. The graduation was a success. The timing was great as far as the Behind-the-screens groups will think. The invited/keynote speaker was dry, but interesting, and also the students were awesome as B9 rocked the house. I was emotional and I'm feeling unable to process my feelings.

I'm sad to see all leave. I don't know how it will be that we all will meet again--and I guess that's where I leave most of my feelings.

To the class of 2007: you are forever in my hearts as a sexy, vibrant, and great class. I know some feel as if there were some problems unifying, but, from the outside, I think you guys understand each other on a deeper level and don't have to worry about the cliques. I am in awe of your collective intelligence. I wish you guys the best, I'm forever in support of you guys. I have learned so much from you all and I can only wish to repay a little bit of the much that I have taken from you.

It's difficult to say goodbye, for me the words never come out. Please know that you had an effect on me. I will always remember you and I will never give up on you.

Mushy brains

2007-05-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

I saw this and had to post it somewhere. "Homophobia: the irrational fear that fags will break into your house and redecorate it against your will."

314. exhausted

2007-04-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've been this tired in so long. Enjoyed myself as much as I could at Masako's going-away party. I hope that I'll see her again soon. I love the family atmosphere at Soka Gakkai meetings. It's always those who are most supportive you see, of course, but at the same time, it's comradeship--in challenging that which you doubt can be challenged--that really makes the feeling whole and true.
I'm attempting to do what I haven't done in so long--chant a lot and chant with feeling, meaning, and purpose. The chanting is so that I feel, make meaning, create value, and have purpose in life. I'm feeling in a rut. I need to challenge all that I can.
Throat hurts, will try to get to work without any incident. Thus, I sleep now.

813.the moon

2007-03-31T21:40:00.000-07:00

I saw the moon for the first time in a while a couple days back. I never realised how much the moon is brighter when it's out as the sun is setting. The sheer whiteness of the moon's surface stood out in the dusky blue sky. It was a sight I won't forget.

I love it when you are just in the moment--wherever it maybe: walking down a path, respiring deeply, alone, with someone, or whatever, but just in that moment.

musically. 301.

2007-03-29T22:29:00.000-07:00

the days are now to the point where I'm sick. Ugh.

Sore throat, mild fever, sinuses working funky, and then the dull aches everywhere.

I'm glad I'm young.

It doesn't hurt me that much to work through this, but I'm off to bed now, so that's still a sign I'm not totally recovering yet.

=S

food for thought

2007-03-29T22:28:00.000-07:00

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-kramer20mar20,0,1705133.story?coll=la-opinion-rightrail

Why do straights hate gays?

An 72-year-old gay activist isn't hopeful about the future.

By Larry Kramer
LARRY KRAMER is the founder of the protest group ACT UP and the author of "The Tragedy of Today's Gays."

March 20, 2007

DEAR STRAIGHT PEOPLE,

Why do you hate gay people so much?

Gays are hated. Prove me wrong. Your top general just called us immoral. Marine Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the Joint Chiefs, is in charge of an estimated 65,000 gay and lesbian troops, some fighting for our country in Iraq. A right-wing political commentator, Ann Coulter, gets away with calling a straight presidential candidate a faggot. Even Garrison Keillor, of all people, is making really tacky jokes about gay parents in his column. This, I guess, does not qualify as hate except that it is so distasteful and dumb, often a first step on the way to hate. Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama tried to duck the questions that Pace's bigotry raised, confirming what gay people know: that there is not one candidate running for public office anywhere who dares to come right out, unequivocally, and say decent, supportive things about us.

Gays should not vote for any of them. There is not a candidate or major public figure who would not sell gays down the river. We have seen this time after time, even from supposedly progressive politicians such as President Clinton with his "don't ask, don't tell" policy on gays in the military and his support of the hideous Defense of Marriage Act. Of course, it's possible that being shunned by gays will make politicians more popular, but at least we will have our self-respect. To vote for them is to collude with them in their utter disdain for us.

Don't any of you wonder why heterosexuals treat gays so brutally year after year after year, as your people take away our manhood, our womanhood, our personhood? Why, even as we die you don't leave us alone. What we can leave our surviving lovers is taxed far more punitively than what you leave your (legal) surviving spouses. Why do you do this? My lover will be unable to afford to live in the house we have made for each other over our lifetime together. This does not happen to you. Taxation without representation is what led to the Revolutionary War. Gay people have paid all the taxes you have. But you have equality, and we don't.

And there's no sign that this situation will change anytime soon. President Bush will leave a legacy of hate for us that will take many decades to cleanse. He has packed virtually every court and every civil service position in the land with people who don't like us. So, even with the most tolerant of new presidents, gays will be unable to break free from this yoke of hate. Courts rule against gays with hateful regularity. And of course the Supreme Court is not going to give us our equality, and in the end, it is from the Supreme Court that such equality must come. If all of this is not hate, I do not know what hate is.

Our feeble gay movement confines most of its demands to marriage. But political candidates are not talking about — and we are not demanding that they talk about — equality. My lover and I don't want to get married just yet, but we sure want to be equal.

You must know that gays get beaten up all the time, all over the world. If someone beats you up because of who you are — your race or ethnic origin — that is considered a hate crime. But in most states, gays are not included in hate crime measures, and Congress has refused to include us in a federal act.

Homosexuality is a punishable crime in a zillion countries, as is any activism on behalf of it. Punishable means prison. Punishable means death. The U.S. government refused our requests that it protest after gay teenagers were hanged in Iran, but it protests many other foreign cruelties. Who cares if a faggot dies? Parts of the Episcopal Church in the U.S. are joining with the Nigerian archbishop, who believes gays should be put in prison. Episcopalians! Whoever thought we'd have to worry about Episcopalians?

Well, whoever thought we'd have to worry about Florida? A young gay man was just killed in Florida because of his sexual orientation. I get reports of gays slain in our country every week. Few of them make news. Fewer are prosecuted. Do you consider it acceptable that 20,000 Christian youths make an annual pilgrimage to San Francisco to pray for gay souls? This is not free speech. This is another version of hate. It is all one world of gay-hate. It always was.

Gays do not realize that the more we become visible, the more we come out of the closet, the more we are hated. Don't those of you straights who claim not to hate us have a responsibility to denounce the hate? Why is it socially acceptable to joke about "girlie men" or to discriminate against us legally with "constitutional" amendments banning gay marriage? Because we cannot marry, we can pass on only a fraction of our estates, we do not have equal parenting rights and we cannot live with a foreigner we love who does not have government permission to stay in this country. These are the equal protections that the Bill of Rights proclaims for all?

Why do you hate us so much that you will not permit us to legally love? I am almost 72, and I have been hated all my life, and I don't see much change coming.

I think your hate is evil.

What do we do to you that is so awful? Why do you feel compelled to come after us with such frightful energy? Does this somehow make you feel safer and legitimate? What possible harm comes to you if we marry, or are taxed just like you, or are protected from assault by laws that say it is morally wrong to assault people out of hatred? The reasons always offered are religious ones, but certainly they are not based on the love all religions proclaim.

And even if your objections to gays are religious, why do you have to legislate them so hatefully? Make no mistake: Forbidding gay people to love or marry is based on hate, pure and simple.

You may say you don't hate us, but the people you vote for do, so what's the difference? Our own country's democratic process declares us to be unequal. Which means, in a democracy, that our enemy is you. You treat us like crumbs. You hate us. And sadly, we let you.

Musically. 300.

2007-03-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been one of the most 'recovering' weekends that I've had in a while.

Yesterday, went out for drinks in honor of Saint Patrick and then to the Boom for a relatively enjoyable time. I'm glad that I went out. It's something that I've neglected to do in a while; tested my drink tolerance. Best 'drunk' drink ever..."Adiós Motherfucker." I wish I could've been drunker though. That was not enough alcohol. I'm glad to have the genetics I have, though the "dark, mysterious, rebelious" side in me wants to test how drunk I can get, just so that my tongue can be loose enough to say the words I'd like exactly to say. Hmm....how drunk is that? Cuz, last time I tried that, I passed out before that happened.

Went and saw Babel yesterday as well. It was a bit too much of a movie for me to try after going to the pool, I think. The arching question that the movie's, obviously--just look at the title, trying to tackle is the inability to communicate. I tried to understand what Iñaritú was attempting to tackle, but I didn't really get it. Perhaps, that´s the point of the film. I don't know if that's what Inaritu was going for; I doubt it, because that's not really seemingly the type of thing that he would do. So, I figure that I'm just not able to understand what he was trying to weave together when I saw it yesterday.

The pool was nice, I now have the beginnings of a Speedo tan, gotta get a smaller speedo by the way.

Before that I went to do a Soka group shift in the morning for the March 16th celebration. I'm realizing that I need training--like the kind offered in S-group--in my life. Inaction breeds problems, especially when you notice but do nothing to help the situation. Confidence: "Please, let me help you." Instead of "can I help you?"

Today, went to watch 300. So far, I loved the promotions for the movie--they're absolutely hot. In addition, the story of Sparta's 300 men at Thermopylae is unbelieveable, and the story is so well woven, I couldn't help but be in visual awe of the movie. Derek was disappointed, the girls--Utsumi and Tinki--seemed to be in 'meh'. This story is world famous and to me, it seemed to be at times relatable to another movie I enjoy--Hero (YingXiong) the HK version with Jet Li. The destiny of a nation (a country, a people) could be decided by one.

Awesome.

Jumping around.

2007-03-18T19:38:00.000-07:00

singing in the rain

2007-03-07T23:17:00.000-08:00

I live, singing in the rain. well, I live, singing in my head.

The tune that goes "bop badda doo dah ba-shoop bam doo." and "Bitch, please (snap snap snap) I'm from colorado." and "To the rescue. Here I am. I'm a rainbow too."

Tiredness abounds. Sleeping 6 hours tonight, 5 yesterday, a few the day before.

I need to sleep more. But 6 is enuf.

depth of tiredness

2007-03-06T01:22:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I slept 15 hours straight. Went to bed at 5ish yesterday and woke up at around 7am. Wow!

today, i'm posting a blog at 1:30, and I need to wake up at around 6. Let's say "yay!"

11:34PM

2007-03-01T23:33:00.000-08:00

There's a lot going on at work. Nothing to complain about. I have more responsibility and I'm handling things with more grace than I would've thought possible 6 months ago. I'm putting forth my best foot right now.

In my SGI activities, I'm really setting myself up to be challenged and to challenge myself.

In my personal life, I feel the desire to have victory, but I'm not doubt-free after I stop chanting. I'm strengthening my resolve to have victory with my ex and with another person whom I really like but cannot let go. I'm hoping beyond hope right now to not only find the person who will help me grow right now, but also to grow as I do so. I'm realizing more and more I'm exactly where I need to be in so many things--I cannot be happier in that respect, because if I weren't where I am now, it would mean I haven't gotten this far yet.

Looking at the brighter side of life and now I'm reaching to do more than just digest what I see, feel, hear, and sense, but to comprehend it--to have comprehension.

March 16th is around the corner. i hope to have a victory this year in terms of introducing friends to this faith. I want to become a shakubuku king (or even a queen!).

開始の時です！

2007-03-01T23:30:00.000-08:00

It is time to start something!

I'm trying to create something here. Something that means a lot to me and also means a lot to other people. Something that creates it's own creation. Something that will flow forever and will not only grow, but flourish. I want to train myself to become the most capable person I can be. I will become the most capable person I can be. I will chant for the happiness of my members. I will live the life of a disciple, a true disciple. What I want to create is not yet taking shape--but it has a name kosen-rufu amerikanus. American kosen-rufu, we only have a vague idea of what it is. but we know it exists somewhere out there. I'm a researcher on the hunt for it. I only see its footprints, but I'm on its trail and I know that I am closer day-by-day.

March 16

2007-02-27T23:06:00.000-08:00

March 16 is just about 2 weeks away. I'm wondering what the district and chapter can do in support of the youth division.
I feel a hole in the leadership beside me. As well as my incapability in my leadership position. My determination is to become the best chapter leader around, yet I see the difference between where I want to be and where I am and I can't help but feel lost. My map so far is the gohonzon, the new human revolution, the human revolution, and my daimoku is my fuel.

'S all I got.

The golden evening silence

2007-02-25T22:59:00.000-08:00

I've just about passed out. I'm ready for bed and yet I'm truly satisfied. I am happy to have supported the WD in their illustrious campaign to rid Orange County of misery and unhappiness. I hope that today the ESD and JHHS members we took care of at the meetings, as YMD and MD in support of our WD and YWD members, will grow up to be strong, capable leaders of Kosen-rufu. I'm living in ecstasy right now.

The silence of tonight is not one of fear, nor is it of anything that I should note. It's a happy, golden silence.

Reading my last blog from earlier in February, I realized that I miss writing in Spanish. Sorry to all those who don't read it or speak it, I haven't had time to post a translation of it. I hope to do that one day, but if I don't, then nothing is lost because I've put out there in the world, what it is that I felt on that day. You'll see what I said in that post in my actions.

Called by E.d. (cassie's) and was pleasantly surprised to know that I'll be doing the BSG support for Cassie's and Ed's wedding. Yay! I also have a 60-year-old Soka-han member as my other support. Haha. I can't believe Cassie's getting married! It's already happening--this marriage thing.

I want to get married, sooner than later. I want to start raising a family, sooner than later. I want to do so many things and yet I entertain doubt, it's actually a frequent visitor. I'm tired of it coming often to my mind, and settling in. I don't want it anymore.

Which brings me to "The Secret," do you know it? Such a new age-y scam of a dvd. What it says has always been there; I don't need some Australian to tell me it, Nichiren Daishonin, Shakyamuni Buddha, and others have been saying it for so long. But yet this dvd is still not the truth, it is just yet a fragment of the truth. It may have (dubious-sounding and -seeming) "actual proof" in it's video, but at the core of it, it isn't theoretically correct: it doesn't reveal the buddha nature inherent in our life. Thus, I can't help but disbelieve in the actual proof of it's supposed believers.

Agh. Frustration amounts...

夢？

2007-02-08T23:48:00.000-08:00

No sabemos por qué soñar. Hace 3 noches, soñé ser maestro. Estuve en el colegio de mi juventud. Estuve en frente de l@s alumn@s, diciéndoles a l@s alumn@s cuáles fueron los normas de mis clases: ser puntual; ser hablador--discutir, platicar, y hablar sobre todas materias; no les faltar a los demás alumnos el respeto--ni por racismo ni por homofobia. No sé qué pensar sobre el maestrazo. Sé que no he soñado en la maestría desde hace 10 años (ó más). No sé aún hasta hoy qué pensar sobre mi sueño. Es como tengo neurosis de guerra. Me quedo con boca abierta.

Me dijó una amiga que no sabemos por qué soñamos lo que soñamos, pero sí que sabemos es que el sueño nos dice algo de nuestros deseos y lo que desea nuestro corazón (o sea, lo que es cierto es que es algo de nuestro misión). No sé en qué estoy seguro por ahora. Pero, siento super confuso. Ó, no confuso, pero no sé qué hacer como respuesta a mi sueño. Además, me preguntó ella ¿llevas mucho tiempo orando-rezando? La dije sí ¿cómo lo sabías tú?

Bueno os digo, a partir de hoy, vamos a ver lo que hago yo.

Diana is crazy

2007-02-07T23:09:00.001-08:00

"Bisketti"?

"Is that like like bisque?
"Is that like like biscuits?
"Is that bruschetta without something?"

My roomie is crazy.

No. 800: What to say.

2007-01-31T22:31:00.000-08:00

Well, in honor of my 800th blogger post. I really don't know what to say. Except that, it's been an interesting 5 years. The first post I had was about my roommate and his friends. Now, I'm living on my own--well with a cool roommate, so I guess I can't complain. I'm growing, delighting in meeting new and different people, encouraged by so many around me and excited for so many things that are still yet to come this year.

799: Celebration

2007-01-29T13:07:00.000-08:00

http://flooredfun.blogspot.com/ - post no 799.

I want to apologize--a bit--to all my friends. I'm busy; I still appreciate all of you so much.

Just wanted to say that. Getting the feeling as if I'm losing some connection with my friends a bit. But, at the sametime, two-way streets being two ways; we just have to find that connection again. Back to that memory.

the death to the tired

2007-01-29T00:24:00.000-08:00

Imma tte, shiawase desu.

Happy. The death to the tired.

Have a few more things to do tonight. Successfully completed Soka group in-charge. Have a few points to look for next time I do an in-charge shift. Really feel as if I broke through quite a bit yesterday.

Posting on break.

2007-01-25T16:50:00.000-08:00

Posting on my break.

I don't know how the cover pages of all the newspapers look on my blog. I have a sense of indifference to myself on whether I should be doing that on THIS specific blog. It's just a little bit too much of a specific thing to do. Spin-off!

Break. Fall. Crash!

Page One: 25 January 2007

2007-01-25T01:08:00.000-08:00

Page One: New York Times
(1) Libby Trial
(2) Iraq Plan condemned
(3) Re-imagining/re-thinking Democratic nominations with changes in the caucuses.
(4) Uranium Smuggler
(5) Police Radio problems in the City
Page One: El Periodico de Barcelona (Spain)
(1) Fomento (Interior Ministry of Catalunya) decides to invest 100Million Euros into the RENFE-Barcelona commuter rail system (Cercanias) after a succession of derailures and other accidents on the Cercanias.

Orange County Region's Asexual Cell Division

2007-01-24T20:29:00.000-08:00

A bit before I go up to Daisuke's room to help do the planning for the OC Regions Kickoff, I wanted to stop in and write a note. And then i realized I don't have much to say: My typing sucks, I'm tired, and I could go on about all that isn't 'right' with my life, but for some reason, I'm happy.

I guess that's a good note, though. It just doesn't sound like it right off the bat.

Page One: 24 January 2007

2007-01-24T00:08:00.000-08:00

Page One: The New York Times

Cover Story -- Coverage on Bush's State of the Union address

Page One: 23 January 2007

2007-01-23T06:59:00.001-08:00

Page One: New York Times, National Edition (Broadsheet)

Oddly, it is surprising to see that the cover story for the national edition of the times doesn't cover the President's State of the Union address this evening, but one article on the race to become his replacement and two on his failure: public election campaign funding, yesterday's Baghdad bombings and another on Baghdad itself.

Page One: The Guardian (England) / Broadsheet (Web)

Page One: La Vanguardia (Barcelona, Spain) / Tabloid

Main story is the first snow of the season in the Barcelona Metro area.

dreams...

2007-01-23T06:33:00.000-08:00

weird dream!

Just woke up. Screen is so bright.

I pick up Diana from Bill Gate's two story townhome in a cool, slightly Italiana (I was thinknigin Venice_-esque neighborhood. Don't ask me how an Italian caffe and a townhome comlex are on teh same piazza!? I know, my brain, is funny. While I'm waiting, I look around Bill Gates' home. It's all nice, but I've seen it before.

Diana gets done with whatever she's doing there. It's like a conference for special people--you know, where people get to come to someone's house and learn about something, but you don't know what it is. Sounds like the beginnings of a suspense or horromr movie1

The next day, I decide to sign-up and check out Bill Gates' house. Somehow, we drive from wherever Dianaand I live to Redmond WA. Was a longer drive, but, manageable, beautiful country. It's like we live in Seattle, but don't.

They start a DVD, and it loooks like that is all with the presentation. Somehow around 20 people are sitting in someone's bedrooom watching this DVD. It's rather odd that so many ar ein the room, but I just play it off. After about 10 minutes, I decide to go off and explore the electronic equipment, press some butttons, around thehouse. Meanwhile, as I play, I keep on interspersing my actions with "security camera" shots of me playing around the house, BUT WITH DRAMATIC LIGHTING. Heh, I'm such a techie...

Just playing with the light panels around the house. Go back, find that not much has changeed, return to take a seat at the bed, feeling as if I've steppped into a cult meeting, signlently agree.

We walk out of Bill Gates' townhome, and parked right outside is a green Focus, the boi standing outside is a skinny later 20s looking caucasian--Eastern European-looking man in a black jacket on his cellphone (I did it, I admit, elevator eyes). He gives me the eye roll and I move on. We're parked in the second spot from the door and I comment on how lucky we are. For some reason I got go put stuff in the passenger back side door--right next to the boi--hehehe--I get to show off the ass that he was not gonna end up tapping that night--(in my best paris hilton impression, god, i'm such a whore-bitch. Diana gets into the drivers side, I tell her to get out, we bicker a bit--much like my brothers and I bicker. I look out the door I entered from, move out the drivers rear-side door, look over to the italian caffe right next to Bill Gates' townhome and see a heavy-set, caucasian man with a receding hair-line eating a hearty panini-looking sandwich.

And then Diana falls out of the driver's front door as I open the door to get her out.

Wake-up!

Odes? to the Method soap bottle in my bathroom

2007-01-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

Oh Method soap bottle in my bathroom!
How you displease me so, every once in a while!
This morning, for example.
Grr!

In my hazey dazey wake-up,
I push down on your top,
Out cums soap,
At high-speed.

It lands not gently in my hand,
but lands quite on my pants.
Grr!
It looks like I came on my pants.

Page One: 22 January 2007

2007-01-22T00:46:00.000-08:00

New York Times: 22.jan.2007

The cover story focuses on the early start to the 2008 presidential campaign. Focused at the beginning mainly on the field of eight Democratic candidates for the Dem. nomination, this article starts of questioning the ability for candidates *for the nomination* to be able to raise enough money to maintain a campaign throughout the months ahead to the Democratic nomination in Denver. Furthermore, the article digs at the underlying question of whether this is at all good for "voter choice" in the end: the more money involved, the more it is likely to be a match of campaign fund-raising and fund-spending.

what we need

2007-01-17T02:06:00.001-08:00

we need a bull-dyke, black, lesbian president in 2008. A centrist at that!

NYT: Little Asia on the Hill/Timothy Egan

2007-01-07T23:59:00.000-08:00

January 7, 2007
Little Asia on the Hill
By TIMOTHY EGAN
WHEN Jonathan Hu was going to high school in suburban Southern California, he rarely heard anyone speaking Chinese. But striding through campus on his way to class at the University of California, Berkeley, Mr. Hu hears Mandarin all the time, in plazas, cafeterias, classrooms, study halls, dorms and fast-food outlets. It is part of the soundtrack at this iconic university, along with Cantonese, English, Spanish and, of course, the perpetual jackhammers from the perpetual construction projects spurred by the perpetual fund drives.
“Here, many people speak Chinese as their primary language,” says Mr. Hu, a sophomore. “It’s nice. You really feel like you don’t stand out.”
Today, he is iPod-free, a rare condition on campus, taking in the early winter sun at the dour concrete plaza of the Free Speech Movement Cafe, named for the protests led by Mario Savio in 1964, when the administration tried to muzzle political activity. “Free speech marks us off from the stones and stars,” reads a Savio quote on the cafe wall, “just below the angels.”
There are now mostly small protests, against the new chain stores invading Telegraph Avenue, just outside the campus entrance, and to save the old oak trees scheduled for removal so the football stadium can be renovated. The biggest buzz on Telegraph one week was the grand opening of a chain restaurant — the new Chipotle’s, which drew a crowd of students eager to get in. The scent of patchouli oil and reefer is long gone; the street is posted as a drug-free zone.
And at least on this morning, there is very little speech of any kind inside the Free Speech Cafe; almost without exception, students are face-planted in their laptops, silently downloading class notes, music, messages. It could be the library but for the line for lattes. On mornings like this, the public university beneath the towering campanile seems like a small, industrious city of über-students in flops.
I ask Mr. Hu what it’s like to be on a campus that is overwhelmingly Asian — what it’s like to be of the demographic moment. This fall and last, the number of Asian freshmen at Berkeley has been at a record high, about 46 percent. The overall undergraduate population is 41 percent Asian. On this golden campus, where a creek runs through a redwood grove, there are residence halls with Asian themes; good dim sum is never more than a five-minute walk away; heaping, spicy bowls of pho are served up in the Bear’s Lair cafeteria; and numerous social clubs are linked by common ancestry to countries far across the Pacific.
Mr. Hu shrugs, saying there is a fair amount of “selective self-racial segregation,” which is not unusual at a university this size: about 24,000 undergraduates. “The different ethnic groups don’t really interact that much,” he says. “There’s definitely a sense of sticking with your community.” But, he quickly adds, “People of my generation don’t look at race as that big of a deal. People here, the freshmen and sophomores, they’re pretty much like your average American teenagers.”
Spend a few days at Berkeley, on the classically manicured slope overlooking San Francisco Bay and the distant Pacific, and soon enough the sound of foreign languages becomes less distinct. This is a global campus in a global age. And more than any time in its history, it looks toward the setting sun for its identity.
The revolution at Berkeley is a quiet one, a slow turning of the forces of immigration and demographics. What is troubling to some is that the big public school on the hill certainly does not look like the ethnic face of California, which is 12 percent Asian, more than twice the national average. But it is the new face of the state’s vaunted public university system. Asians make up the largest single ethnic group, 37 percent, at its nine undergraduate campuses.
The oft-cited goal of a public university is to be a microcosm — in this case, of the nation’s most populous, most demographically dynamic state — and to enrich the educational experience with a variety of cultures, economic backgrounds and viewpoints.
But 10 years after California passed Proposition 209, voting to eliminate racial preferences in the public sector, university administrators find such balance harder to attain. At the same time, affirmative action is being challenged on a number of new fronts, in court and at state ballot boxes. And elite colleges have recently come under attack for practicing it — specifically, for bypassing highly credentialed Asian applicants in favor of students of color with less stellar test scores and grades.
In California, the rise of the Asian campus, of the strict meritocracy, has come at the expense of historically underrepresented blacks and Hispanics. This year, in a class of 4809, there are only 100 black freshmen at the University of California at Los Angeles — the lowest number in 33 years. At Berkeley, 3.6 percent of freshmen are black, barely half the statewide proportion. (In 1997, just before the full force of Proposition 209 went into effect, the proportion of black freshmen matched the state population, 7 percent.) The percentage of Hispanic freshmen at Berkeley (11 percent) is not even a third of the state proportion (35 percent). White freshmen (29 percent) are also below the state average (44 percent).
This is in part because getting into Berkeley — U.S. News & World Report’s top-ranked public university — has never been more daunting. There were 41,750 applicants for this year’s freshman class of 4,157. Nearly half had a weighted grade point average of 4.0 or better (weighted for advanced courses). There is even grumbling from “the old Blues” — older alumni named for the school color — “who complain because their kids can’t get in,” says Gregg Thomson, director of the Office of Student Research.
Mr. Hu applied to a lot of colleges, but Berkeley felt right for him from the start. “It’s the intellectual atmosphere — this place is intense.”
Mr. Hu says he was pressured by a professor to go into something like medicine or engineering. “It’s a stereotype, but a lot of Asians who come here just study engineering and the sciences,” he says. “I was never interested in that.”
But as the only son of professionals born in China, Mr. Hu fits the profile of Asians at Berkeley in at least one way: they are predominantly first-generation American. About 95 percent of Asian freshmen come from a family in which one or both parents were born outside the United States.
He dashes off to class, and I wander through the serene setting of Memorial Glade, in the center of campus, and then loop over to Sproul Plaza, the beating heart of the university, where dozens of tables are set up by clubs representing every conceivable ethnic group. Out of nowhere, an a cappella group, mostly Asian men, appears and starts singing a Beach Boys song. Yes, tradition still matters in California.
ACROSS the United States, at elite private and public universities, Asian enrollment is near an all-time high. Asian-Americans make up less than 5 percent of the population but typically make up 10 to 30 percent of students at the nation’s best colleges:in 2005, the last year with across-the-board numbers, Asians made up 24 percent of the undergraduate population at Carnegie Mellon and at Stanford, 27 percent at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 14 percent at Yale and 13 percent at Princeton.
And according to advocates of race-neutral admissions policies, those numbers should be even higher.
Asians have become the “new Jews,” in the phrase of Daniel Golden, whose recent book, “The Price of Admission: How America’s Ruling Class Buys Its Way Into Elite Colleges — and Who Gets Left Outside the Gates,” is a polemic against university admissions policies. Mr. Golden, a reporter for The Wall Street Journal, is referring to evidence that, in the first half of the 20th century, Ivy League schools limited the number of Jewish students despite their outstanding academic records to maintain the primacy of upper-class Protestants. Today, he writes, “Asian-Americans are the odd group out, lacking racial preferences enjoyed by other minorities and the advantages of wealth and lineage mostly accrued by upper-class whites. Asians are typecast in college admissions offices as quasi-robots programmed by their parents to ace math and science.”
As if to illustrate the point, a study released in October by the Center for Equal Opportunity, an advocacy group opposing race-conscious admissions, showed that in 2005 Asian-Americans were admitted to the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, at a much lower rate (54 percent) than black applicants (71 percent) and Hispanic applicants (79 percent) — despite median SAT scores that were 140 points higher than Hispanics and 240 points higher than blacks.
To force the issue on a legal level, a freshman at Yale filed a complaint in the fall with the Department of Education’s Office of Civil Rights, contending he was denied admission to Princeton because he is Asian. The student, Jian Li, the son of Chinese immigrants in Livingston, N.J., had a perfect SAT score and near-perfect grades, including numerous Advanced Placement courses.
“This is just a very, very egregious system,” Mr. Li told me. “Asians are held to different standards simply because of their race.”
To back his claim, he cites a 2005 study by Thomas J. Espenshade and Chang Y. Chung, both of Princeton, which concludes that if elite universities were to disregard race, Asians would fill nearly four of five spots that now go to blacks or Hispanics. Affirmative action has a neutral effect on the number of whites admitted, Mr. Li is arguing, but it raises the bar for Asians. The way Princeton selects its entering class, Mr. Li wrote in his complaint, “seems to be a calculated move by a historically white institution to protect its racial identity while at the same time maintaining a facade of progressivism.”
Private institutions can commit to affirmative action, even with state bans, but federal money could be revoked if they are found to be discriminating. Mr. Li is seeking suspension of federal financial assistance to Princeton. “I’m not seeking anything personally,” he says. “I’m happy at Yale. But I grew up thinking that in America race should not matter.”
Admissions officials have long denied that they apply quotas. Nonetheless, race is important “to ensure a diverse student body,” says Cass Cliatt, a Princeton spokeswoman. But, she adds, “Looking at the merits of race is not the same as the opposite” — discrimination.
Elite colleges like Princeton review the “total package,” in her words, looking at special talents, extracurricular interests and socioeconomics — factors like whether the applicant is the first in the family to go to college or was raised by a single mother. “There’s no set formula or standard for how we evaluate students,” she says. High grades and test scores would seem to be merely a baseline. “We turned away approximately half of applicants with maximum scores on the SAT, all three sections,” Ms. Cliatt says of the class Mr. Li would have joined.
In the last two months, the nation has seen a number of new challenges to racial engineering in schools. In November, the United States Supreme Court heard a case questioning the legality of using race in assigning students to public schools in Seattle and Louisville, Ky. Voters are also sending a message, having thrown out racial preferences in Michigan in November, following a lead taken by California, Texas, Florida and Washington. Last month, Ward Connerly, the architect of Proposition 209, announced his next potential targets for a ballot initiative, including Arizona, Colorado, Missouri and Nebraska.
When I ask the chancellor at Berkeley, Robert J. Birgeneau, if there is a perfect demographic recipe on this campus that likes to think of itself as the world’s finest public university — Harvard on the Hill — he demurs.
“We are a meritocracy,” he says. And — by law, he adds — the campus is supposed to be that way. If Asians made up, say, 70 percent of the campus, he insists, there would still be no attempt to reduce their numbers.
Asian enrollment at his campus actually began to ramp up well before affirmative action was banned.
Historically, Asians have faced discrimination, with exclusion laws in the 1800s that kept them from voting, owning property or legally immigrating. Many were run out of West Coast towns by mobs. But by the 1970s and ’80s, with a change in immigration laws, a surge in Asian arrivals began to change the complexion of California, and it was soon reflected in an overrepresentation at its top universities.
In the late 1980s, administrators appeared to be limiting Asian-American admissions, prompting a federal investigation. The result was an apology by the chancellor at the time, and a vow that there would be no cap on Asian enrollment.
University administrators and teachers use anguished words to describe what has happened since.
“I’ve heard from Latinos and blacks that Asians should not be considered a minority at all,” says Elaine Kim, a professor of Asian-American studies at Berkeley. “What happened after they got rid of affirmative action has been a disaster — for blacks and Latinos. And for Asians it’s been a disaster because some people think the campus has become all-Asian.”
The diminishing number of African-Americans on campus is a consistent topic of discussion among black students. Some say they feel isolated, without a sense of community. “You really do feel like you stand out,” says Armilla Staley, a second-year law student. In her freshman year, she was one of only nine African-Americans in a class of 265. “I’m almost always the only black person in my class,” says Ms. Staley, who favors a return to some form of affirmative action.
“Quite frankly, when you walk around campus, it’s overwhelmingly Asian,” she says. “I don’t feel any tension between Asians and blacks, but I don’t really identify with the Asian community as a minority either.”
Walter Robinson, the director of undergraduate admissions, who is African-American, has the same impression. “The problem is that because we’re so few, we get absorbed among the masses,” he says.
Chancellor Birgeneau says he finds the low proportion of blacks and Hispanics appalling, and two years into his tenure, he has not found a remedy. To broaden the pool, the U.C. system promises to admit the top 4 percent at each high school in the state and uses “comprehensive review” — considering an applicant’s less quantifiable attributes. But the net results for a campus like Berkeley are disappointing. His university, Dr. Birgeneau says, loses talented black applicants to private universities like Stanford, where African-American enrollment was 10 percent last year — nearly three times that at Berkeley.
“I just don’t believe that in a state with three million African-Americans there is not a single engineering student for the state’s premier public university,” says the chancellor, who has called for reinstating racial preferences.
One leading critic of bringing affirmative action back to Berkeley is David A. Hollinger, chairman of its history department and author of “Post-Ethnic America: Beyond Multiculturalism.” He supported racial preferences before Proposition 209, but is no longer so sure. “You could argue that the campus is more diverse now,” because Asians comprise so many different cultures, says Dr. Hollinger. A little more than half of Asian freshmen at Berkeley are Chinese, the largest group, followed by Koreans, East-Indian/Pakistani, Filipino and Japanese.
He believes that Latinos are underrepresented because many come from poor agrarian families with little access to the good schools that could prepare them for the rigors of Berkeley. He points out that, on the other hand, many of the Korean students on campus are sons and daughters of parents with college degrees. In any event, he says, it is not the university’s job to fix the problems that California’s public schools produce.
Dr. Birgeneau agrees on at least one point: “I think we’re now at the point where the category of Asian is not very useful. Koreans are different from people from Sri Lanka and they’re different than Japanese. And many Chinese-Americans are a lot like Caucasians in some of their values and areas of interest.”
IF Berkeley is now a pure meritocracy, what does that say about the future of great American universities in the post-affirmative action age? Are we headed toward a day when all elite colleges will look something like Berkeley: relatively wealthy whites (about 60 percent of white freshmen’s families make $100,000 or more) and a large Asian plurality and everyone else underrepresented? Is that the inevitable result of color-blind admissions?
Eric Liu, author of “The Accidental Asian: Notes of a Native Speaker” and a domestic policy adviser to former President Bill Clinton, is troubled by the assertion that the high Asian makeup of elite campuses reflects a post-racial age where merit prevails.
“I really challenge this idea of a pure meritocracy,” says Mr. Liu, who runs mentoring programs that grew out of his book “Guiding Lights: How to Mentor and Find Life’s Purpose.” Until all students — from rural outposts to impoverished urban settings — are given equal access to the Advanced Placement classes that have proved to be a ticket to the best colleges, then the idea of pure meritocracy is bunk, he says. “They’re measuring in a fair way the results of an unfair system.”
He also says Asian-Americans are tired of having to live up to — or defend — “that tired old warhorse of the model minority.”
“We shouldn’t be calling these studying habits that help so many kids get into good schools ‘Asian values,’ ” says Mr. Liu, himself a product of Yale College and Harvard Law School. “These are values that used to be called Jewish values or Anglo-Saxon work-ethic values. The bottom line message from the family is the same: work hard, defer gratification, share sacrifice and focus on the big goal.”
Hazel R. Markus lectures on this very subject as a professor of psychology at Stanford and co-director of its Research Institute for Comparative Studies in Race and Ethnicity. Her studies have found that Asian students do approach academics differently. Whether educated in the United States or abroad, she says, they see professors as authority figures to be listened to, not challenged in the back-and-forth Socratic tradition. “You hear some teachers say that the Asian kids get great grades but just sit there and don’t participate,” she says. “Talking and thinking are not the same thing. Being a student to some Asians means that it’s not your place to question, and that flapping your gums all day is not the best thing.”
One study at the institute looked at Asian-American students in lab courses, and found they did better solving problems alone and without conversations with other students. “This can make for some big problems,” she says, like misunderstandings between classmates. “But people are afraid to talk about these differences. And one of the fantastic opportunities of going to a Stanford or Berkeley is to learn something about other cultures, so we should be talking about it.”
As for the rise in Asian enrollment, the reason “isn’t a mystery,” Dr. Markus says. “This needs to come out and we shouldn’t hide it,” she says. “In Asian families, the No. 1 job of a child is to be a student. Being educated — that’s the most honorable thing you can do.”
BERKELEY is “Asian heaven,” as one student puts it. “When I went back East my Asian friends were like, ‘Wow, you go to Berkeley — that must be great,’ ” says Tera Nakata, who just graduated and now works in the residence halls.
You need only go to colleges in, say, the Midwest to appreciate the Asian feel of this campus. But Berkeley is freighted with the baggage of stereotypes — that it is boring socially, full of science nerds, a hard place to make friends.
“About half the students at this school spend their entire career in the library,” one person wrote in a posting on vault.com, a popular job and college search Web site.
Another wrote: “Everyone who is white joins the Greek system and everyone who isn’t joins a ‘theme house’ or is a member of a club related to race.”
There is some truth to the image, students acknowledge, but it does not do justice to the bigger experience at Berkeley. “You have the ability to stay with people who are like you and not get out of your comfort zone,” says Ms. Nakata. “But I learned a lot by mixing it up. I lived in a dorm with a lot of different races, and we would have these deep conversations all the time about race and our feelings of where we belong and where we came from.” But she also says that the “celebrate diversity aspect” of Berkeley doesn’t go deep. “We want to respect everyone’s differences, but we don’t mix socially.”
Near the end of my stay at Berkeley I met a senior, Jonathan Lee, the son of a Taiwanese father and a mother from Hong Kong. He grew up well east of Los Angeles, in the New America sprawl of fast-growing Riverside County, where his father owned a restaurant. He went to a high school where he was a minority.
“When I was in high school,” he says, “there was this notion that you’re Chinese, you must be really good in math.” But now Mr. Lee is likely to become a schoolteacher, much to the chagrin of his parents, “who don’t think it will be very lucrative.”
The story of Jon Lee’s journey at Berkeley is compelling. As president of the Asian-American Association, he has tried to dispel stereotypes of “the Dragon Lady seductress or the idea that everybody plays the piano.” His closest friends are in the club. It may seem that he has become more insular, that he has found his tribe. But Mr. Lee says he has been trying to lead other Asian students out of the university bubble. Once a week, they go into a mostly black and Hispanic middle school in the Bay Area to mentor students.
For the last five semesters, Mr. Lee has worked with one student. “I take him out for dim sum, or to Chinatown, or just talk about college and what it’s like at Cal,” he says. “We talk about race and we talk about everything. And he’s taught me a lot.”
The mentoring program came about not because of prodding by well-meaning advisers, teachers or student groups. It came about because Mr. Lee looked around at the new America — in California, the first state with no racial majority — and found that it looked very different from Berkeley. And much as he loves Berkeley, he knew that if he wanted to learn enough to teach, he needed to get off campus.
Timothy Egan reports for The Times from the West Coast. He won a 2006 National Book Award for “The Worst Hard Time: The Untold Story of Those Who Survived the Great American Dust

Reading this article, I wonder what the country has come to. How far are we along the path toward MLK, Jr's Dream? Have we progressed that much since 1964?

Bictoria en este nuebo Anyo

2007-01-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

"Let him know that you know best
"Cause after all you do know best
"Try to slip past his defense
"Without granting innocence
"Lay down a list of what is wrong
"The things you've told him all along
"And pray to God he hears you
"And pray to God he hears you"
-The Fray How to Save a Life

"Let's rearrange
"I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
"Just say that we agree and then never change
"Soften a bit until we all just get along "
But that's disregard
"Find another friend and you discard
"As you lose the argument in a cable car
"Hanging above as the canyon comes between"
-The Fray Over My Head (Cable Car)

So, I've started a new year. I'm on my way to a victorious 2007.

I had two mini-victories and mini-advances so far: I was able to talk to Gavin and I made a committment to Soka-han for the Region Split meeting. I'm also working on my YMD committments.

Right now, slightly addicted to the Fray. Should get the disc...

"She goes left and you stay right..."

I'm happy (and there's so many others in the Front Range) to see that there's a band from here that's finally made the national stage. Some what of an ego boost and ego trip at the same time.

What I'm saying here reminds me of the BIRG effect. I'm kinda happy to see that this is not related to sports...for Coloradoans. But, on the other hand, we still have a great deal of affection for our sports teams...no matter how much they can suck at times. Reminice back to the glory days of the late 90s.

My manifesto

2007-01-01T19:22:00.000-08:00

Goals for Year 2007

1. I want to have a victory every day; 365 victories for 365 days.
2. On my birthday, I want to have a 32” waist (Levi size).
3. Every week, I want to share this Buddhism with someone new every week.
4. I want to maintain and grow connections with all my friends.
5. This year, I want to read 12 classics; one for every month.
6. I want to read all of the Writings of Nichiren Daishonin, Vol 1 & 2
7. I want to read all of the volumes of the Human Revolution and the New Human Revolution.
8. I desire to be the wisest person in all of the land.
9. I want to taste victory at work.
10. I want to see the unlimited growth of Aliso Creek chapter and its districts.
11. I want to be someone who Ikeda Sensei can depend on after he dies.
12. I want to support the growth of Soka University.
13. I want to support the growth of the alumni of SUA.
14. I want to forge a relationship with my mom and dad of solid trust and care.
15. I want to support my obaachan in her golden years.
16. During their study abroads, I want to support both my brothers.
17. I want to firmly ingrain the desire to challenge all at hand.
18. In the summer, I want to travel to Cambodia and India.
19. I want to lay the foundation for my post-graduate schooling.
20. I want to have a long term relationship.
21. I want to respond to my mentor daily.
22. I want to challenge myself to do 1 million daimoku by 27 May 2007: Class of 2007’s graduation day.
23. I want to encourage one person to join the SGI.
24. I want to feel compassion for everyone.
25. I want to find the excitement in post-graduate, working life.
26. I want to build strong life-long relationships with people wherever I go.
27. I want to visit my friends around the US, at least once this year.
28. I want to visit with my friends in Barcelona within 18 months.
29. I want to meet the man of my life in the next year.
30. I want to develop faith like water.
31. I want to challenge my self physically, mentally, spiritually; becoming stronger.
32. In all aspects of my life, I will advance and have daily victories.
33. By 31 March 2007, I will slash my credit card debt to $0.
34. I will chant 3 million daimoku in the year 2007.
35. At the end of the year, I will have 8~10% body fat. *(around 170lbs)
36. By December, I will report to Ikeda Sensei that I completed all my goals for the year.
37. Every month, I will surprise even myself in the victories I have amassed in my chapter.
38. I seek to have an open heart and open mind to all.
39. I will bloom.
40. I will live as a Bodhisattva and Buddha do.
41. I will strengthen myself to have the energy, time, and strength to do all above.
42. I will live the year 2007, without regret.
43. I will be a fearless champion of discussion.
44. I will be the lion of Aliso Creek Chapter.
45. I will develop my intellect, my capacity for feeling, and determination to truth.
46. I will see things as they are.
47. I will become the most creative person to have worked in IT.
48. I will to bring beauty, fulfillment, and truth to my work.
49. I will visit Seattle and Jessica, Sammi and Central Florida, and Ryo and Chicago.
50. I will determine to read all of the Living Buddhisms and World Tribunes from cover to cover, the week and day I receive them.
51. I will change the course of humanity, this year.
52. I will be the strongest, most honest, and happiest gay man that any of my friends know.
53. I will challenge political growth, this year.
54. Within this year, I never will stop with any momentum I have.
55. I will to develop myself to my fullest capacity.
56. I will to see the impossible become possible.
57. I will inspire the impossible to become possible in others.
58. By, 19 June 2007—the anniversary of my hiring—I will have changed the direction of SUA-IT’s HelpDesk.
59. I want to be cognizant throughout the year 2007 of all my actions.
60. Wherever I am in the year 2007, I want to be at the forefront, the vanguard.
61. I want to challenge all the devils and demons, challenge my negative karma and negative decisions, past and present.
62. I want to find truth in everyone, respect it, and incorporate it in my life.
63. I want to enjoy the smallest and grandest moments in life.
64. I want to fill pages and pages with my grandmother’s story.
65. I will make the growth of the SGI-USA in Fort Collins happen, with my daimoku here, and the support of my friends with my voice.
66. I want to be a shining example for anyone in how to live their life.
67. I will home visit all the members in my chapter in January.
68. I will interact and get to know all the members in my chapter every month.
69. I will put $2400 into my retirement account in 2007. ($200 per month).
70. Every month, I will put $100 into my high-yield savings account.
71. By December 2007, I will find the graduate school I want to apply to.
72. By January 1 2008, I will have saved $1500 for a new car.

At home in Colorado...

2006-12-29T16:18:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Colorado.

An hour and fifteen minute delay at John Wayne Airport, but not bad. The drive on the highway was a bit bad, but I wasn't driving. I gave out all the omiyage for my family.

I think I've done all that I can do in the house--I've watched TV, sat in front of the fire, did sansho in front of the gohonzon, I'm connected to the internet, I've eaten lunch...now that's about it, isn't it?

I guess it's time to put out the feelers and see who is going to be doing what over New Year's eve/New Year's day.

Thoughts on television: things are different in Colorado. The men are hot! Oh my god, I forgot how sexy some of them look. One of the things is that if you have a 'white boy' fetish, this is the place to come...cuz most of them are young.

Walked in to Target after the airport...I felt as if I was still in Aliso Viejo...without all the minorities; Target--the same damn layout.

I enjoy 9news...cuz it's real news, even if I'm sick of the weather coverage...already...you know I've been home for about 2 hours now, and I'm sick of the weather coverage. I guess it started yesterday though...for me. :P

Oka enough for now...

家雪、家行き？

2006-12-28T18:47:00.001-08:00

Just thought that that was funny. Slightly.

I'm worried about whether I'll get home. Snow is in the forecast, but so far United hasn't cancelled my flight for tomorrow. Neither has America West for David's flight.

The wonder of snow. I await you.

Why aren't there any songs of revolution, of compassion, of friendship in the US? In that respect, I enjoy Japanese music. Nostalgic songs--to hometowns, to families, to whatever it may be--are seemingly more commonplace and more popular in Japan.

Lack of appreciation? Lack of history? are these the reasons for this occurence?

I wonder about the US sometimes. I feel as if I'm losing faith and hope in the country I was born in.

Faith seems to be lacking in my life. I'm ready to go home and throw the towel in on this year. But a part of me, some part of me, says don't give up, even now. I want to make something happen. I want to light things on fire! I want to change shit, and blow up. I want my life to blow up...not in the suicide bomber way...but in the way you hear a song blow up on the radio, like that damn James Blunt song, or The Fray! I want my life to BLOW UP!

Struggle, it is in happiness I find struggle. I don't know if that makes sense. But I feel strangly attracted to that way of saying it.

Belinda - Ni Freud Ni Tu Mama

2006-12-22T12:43:00.001-08:00


New video to post to you...only to prove my current addiction to electro-pop/electro-rock. Lo hago por mi yo soy asi

2006-12-10T23:55:00.000-08:00

La Sopa Esta Super Calda

2006-12-09T23:41:00.000-08:00

The soup is super hot! I should've slurped it a bit more before I swallowed the soup.

I have no clue what it is that I'm watching on IFC right now. Human Nature. I have no clue really what the heck is going on with this movie.

Spent the day yesterday ordering up shit in my life. You know what it's like when you've just been living in your own shit for so long that you just got used to it? That's what it's been with the mental, word vomit, not-believing-in-your-self shit that I've tolerated. Poision I tell you, but you can change poision into medicine. I want to continue with it.

Omg, they're having a rom in the hay on screen. I'm only feeling slightly uncomfortable right now watching htis movie with Mitsue.

God, I would love to be with the man I desire right now. Just to kiss, to lick, to get nasty, just to be.

I'm quite adoring all of the farce on the TV right now.

The Real World: Denver?!?!
Do I like it? Yes. I'm glad they 'dealt' with racial issues on the show, with a tinge of weirdness in the aftershow. It is weird to have the image of three caucasians 'discussing' issues of race and racism broadcast to you via MTV. Episode 4...hmm.

Adam and Eve stories...what what?

"I need to make sense!"
"I speak. I speak!"

Paraiso perdido? En serio? De veras?

"Adeu, Layla. Te llevo conmigo en el corazon."

Up next! Word Vomit and Mental Poison

2006-12-02T14:14:00.000-08:00

Act 2, Scene 1 Monologue--start the emo kind of music, this is a word vomit kind of blog.

When we last saw Andy and his friend, they were eating brunch at the Original House of Pancakes finishing up breakfast. Andy is now sitting in front of his computer at his workplace.

Today. Only today.

Why does it matter? Why does it always feel like I'm inadequate? Others seem to have it so easy, or at least, easier than I do. Who is it that really has it easy? By easy, I mean, they're happy, truly happy, like on the inside bursting out of them? I cannot see it in anybody.

"I trust everybody, I just don't trust the devil inside of them." Is that the right thought? Trust, whom do I trust? Whom shall I trust? What shall I trust?

I'm a bit tired. My life needs some rejuvenation. I'm craving something, I just don't know what it is. That says it all, doesn't it? We always want what we never get.

Love, Passion Valour?

Feelings are alive, up, down, around, twisted, fucking up. My mind and heart are spinning round and round and I'm getting sick. When I say to myself, "I'm a buddha," I get sick to my stomach.

Motivation is down, stocks are down, life is down. Not out, not done, just down. Happiness is,at the moment, just a faint glimmer. Snakes. Suck out the poison and spit it out.

This morning, when I tried to think of what I can appreciate in my life, my mind was blank. First time in a while. Motivation is down. Appreciation is down. Which caused which, I don't know.

Dismal-ity; dismal-ity; dismal-ness?

The world rejects me or I reject myself?

Sigh.

My heart spins faster than a flywheel; my brain is just along for the ride.

Break. NEXT!

Consumerism is bothersome. I like giving gifts, but sometimes I feel pressured to give gifts to people. There are gifts I have given in the past where I didn't mean it. Just because I didn't mean the full sentiment of what I said doesn't mean I shouldn't, right? I'm dealing with not a life or death situation here, I'm dealing with a life or ... shame situation here. If you do something and don't really mean it, why do you do it at all? Is it so that you can get a sense of satisfaction? Is it because it's really you yourself who are getting the satisfaction out of it, is I guess what I mean. Stepping outside of the box, outside of the self; I want to support those around me and do that genuinely. No matter what it is that I may have to offer up. My life, is that what it'll take?

life less excitng

2006-11-26T19:45:00.000-08:00

i'm looking forward to goin home for new year's. I didn't think I'd say that a few days ago. I'm ready for a break from work, to visit friends and family back in Colorado. More than anything else I think I'm ready to just be away from work; focus on what I want to get out of the next year and be away from California. Not escaping it, cuz I know that never works, but just to be away and able to get some perspective on the things I'm doing.

Maybe the days I have here are great for perspective, well...getting somewhat of a perspective. On the other hand, I'm ready to get a view of my life that's not in my normal zone.

I hope that this New Year's, I will make goals and set determinations in place that will propel my life forward, very far forward.

Yesterday was fun! I thouroughly was tired from the shopping trip that was yesterday. Beverly Center, LaRouche PAC, La Cienaga, Santa Monica (Boystown) Strip, PDC, Melrose and back to Beverly. It was a long day, but I enjoyed the walking quite a bit. Got a good sweater at H&M, got a gift for Kwan, enjoyed the company, laft a good chunk, ate a good small chunk of delicious dessert. Way too much goodness.

I'm trying this self-confidence thing.

Yuki is quite a character: 'Fatass is like a term of endearment.'

Live from Mitsue's

2006-11-24T20:21:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling okay. Kinda like shit, kinda like okay.

I'm just tired

2006-11-22T18:45:00.000-08:00

Flat out tired. There's not much else I can say. It's been the longest 3-day week I've ever had...I think.

Saturday was the beginning of it all: *someone*--one of the students--clicked on a link they got in MSN messenger which was some majorly bad code. It dispached code which started attacking Norton A/V. In more understandable terms, think of it like Hiv/Aids. It attacks the immune system and then other, usually harmless, or quickly taken care of, viruses attack the system bringing the immune system and the body to a dead halt. In terms of computing, this 'click' is like not wearing a condom--open to all sorts of virii. Hence, I've spent the past few days dealing with all this. I'm posting from work, btw.

I'm tired. zzzz -_-!

Gaffes

2006-11-21T15:53:00.000-08:00

You'll only get it if you take chinese..."women you lots of virus infections"

Ever feel like a child

2006-11-19T13:25:00.000-08:00

I still have days when I wonder what the heck I'm doing...I still feel like a child; well in that bewildered way. I try to be oblivious; perhaps I'm not cynical enough, or maybe I'm too cynical. But I just feel ... bewildered.

There's an article in the World Tribune of a few weeks back...the guy giving the experience says something like There's a part of me that accepted that I could live my life fully in every other aspect but a relationship; the rest of me wanted a relationship. I think my sentiments couldn't be better expressed. I want a relationship! I also want lunch.

I haven't laughed so hard that it hurt my abs to laugh more, in oh so long. I want to laugh, like I really mean it.

It is a blue day; though today it's sunny, I just don't want to shine like it is outside.

Best diana quotes ever

2006-11-15T18:05:00.000-08:00

Best Diana Quotes ever:

Only one so far:

"I need to change my diapers."

Reflections

2006-11-13T20:25:00.000-08:00

Reflections:

Reading my first blogs from Froshmen year, I don't know whether I was just more honest at that point to my feelings or that now I've grown up a bit. Looking back, it seems all like a dream and I'm kinda happy that I've gone the path that I've gone on. I'm still dealing with a lot of the same issues, different facets of the same thing, or different aspects of it that I didn't ever meet back then, but I'm on my path. I'm still shy and quiet when it comes to matters of the heart, but I'm being more honest to myself--even if with others it's in denial.

I absolutely want to follow my mentor and hero...determination.

I want to enjoy my life but I also want to follow my dreams and my goals. I wnat to find someone who will understand that. Are there people who do understand that?

2006-11-12T20:32:00.000-08:00

Sadness and determination.

Estuve en el WeHo

2006-11-04T15:41:00.000-08:00

This has been a long, fun-filled week.

I'm enjoying just going out. I'm enjoying doing the things that I thought all people on the Coast did. (Which isn't true...not everyone goes out mid-week to party). I enjoyed myself for the first time in a while.

I want to do more than enjoy--I will get there, no doubt.

So, last Sunday, we had sukiyaki--David, Eric, Mitsue, Lisa, Brian and I. A small lil' family affair. Definitely good food, good company. Brosefs, Lisa, and Mitsue all leave after eating, Brian and I hang out for a while afterwards. Make plans to go up to WeHo for Halloween Carneval.

Tuesday comes--it was a blast!

I had so much fun--good drinks [not stiff enough...boo!] (didn't like the price, but hey! whatever), lots of people, an atmosphere that I haven't been around in so long. I was somewhat uncomfortable with the crush of people, but realized I got through bigger crowds during La Merce' and then got over it. We met at Erwin's (volleyball friend of Brian's) and took the bus down to Beverly Center. Walked LaCienaga to Boystown, and it started from there on down to Doheny (A block after Robertson). It was amazing to look down the hill and see that many people!--I don't think the promoters were wrong in saying 500.000 people would come out that night. It reminded me so much of LaMerce'. After walking the strip, try to go to Abbey--line's too long; think about doing bottellon with drinks from Pavillion's but unfortunately, line's too long. Decide to go to Rage--$15 cover. Night gets better from there! Recipe for success: mix alcohol, decent music, some MySpace/Gay.com drama-rama, dishing on 'costumes' and boys. Finish the clubbing/drinking/dancing, eat some awesome (though $4) brats/dogs and end with a walk with Alan et Mike (6 degrees'-ing it: Me-(soka)-Brian-(volleyball)-Erwin-(flip friends)-Alan-(roommate)-Mike). Nice to meet someone new everytime I go somewhere with Brian.

I was so appreciative of not having to drive back. I would've passed out!

Patience is key. I have it, some don't.

OMG!

2006-11-04T15:22:00.000-08:00


Really enjoying this song right now!

2006-10-30T19:18:00.000-08:00

Manu chau, man. That's where it's at.

The soundtrack of my life is positive right now. I don't remember ever feeling this positive in my life, on the inside. With some people, you know they feel the ups and downs, my emotions follow a snail-paced ride over foothills. These past few weeks have been weeks where I feel on the up and up. I have nothing other than the Mystic Law to thank for the happiness in my life. I still have sadness that comes my way; however, I feel secure in my identity--as a buddha, like I haven't in so long. I want to enjoy this feeling forever, knowing that I know I will face futher challenges in my life. It is without doubt that I will face challenge. I want it, crave it, need it, just as much as I need shelter, water, and food. I want to challenge deeply, not broadly. I want to tackle all my situations, attacking them to the root cause, the core. I am a buddha, it will be so, son.

My challenges at the moment: work, health, district and chapter responsibilities, positive growth and thought.

Sensei, thank you.

Life, the universe, the mystic law, and Nam-myoho-renge-kyo are one in the same. I am trying to have faith in that and take actions from there.

2006-10-29T19:51:00.000-08:00

"Today is the day from whence I shall step forth and challenge all in my life."

I want to share this spirit with everyone. Encourage them to live by it as well. I want to have faith and take action as well. I rested well last night and I've had a good day today. I want my worries to propell me to something better.

I still have yet to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. Talking with Daito yesterday on our way up to Santa Monica WPIA made me realize, what my calling may be. I'm slightly afraid to say that I may be working in the wrong field right now. Urban planning seems to be something that will continue to entice me in the future. Human rights, civil rights are both things that I want to help with. Is what path I'm setting myself on right now the same path I want to be on?

I have to study more. Soka spirit is meaningless. Daito was critical of the relationship that G. Williams had with the priesthood--in terms of Soka spirit issues. I want to be such a person who doesn't bend to those "devils" and "demons," those who are secretly trying to destroy the SGI.

I want to be loved, but perhaps I have to learn to love myself first. Appreciating what it is that I do posess and striving to better myself in the areas where I am weak. Love is something that we all seek. Some are more loving than others, but love remains the same. The question of the week is: "is it romance or bro-mance?" I struggle with the answer within myself. Asking this question with out already knowing my own, remains yet a precarious one for him.

Clarity. My grandmother is going to undergo surgery on Tuesday. I'm going to take a sick day and chant for her during the surgery and before it. My grandmother's surgery and her health is weighing on my mind. Don't know what I'd do without her. She is the anchor of the family and she is someone who's still seeking out kosen-rufu. Treasure her and memories that I have of her. Noticed last time I was home how much she seemed to have aged; caused me worry while I was there, but now I worry more because I'm becoming awayre of *her* mortality. At the same time, I'm more awayre of my own.

If all goes well and there are no complications with her surgery, I will also head up to West Hollywood for the Hollywood Carneval that night. Excited for the Carneval, though still with out a costume; furthermore, unsure about what 'it' is hence worried about hurt feelings.

I'm feeling much more contented with work. Although I complain a bit about the students...only a bit ;)...I do treasure them. However, I must be clear about expectations and responsibilities. This should be a great training opportunity for these students' futures. I hope they know it. Sincerity in work is amazing, laziness and slack and lack of resolve is absoutely horrid. I want to be able to encourage the student who feels unable to learn or blocked from it somehow to see that they are able to learn. Thinking of Ms. R. specifically in this case.

Science of Sleep

2006-10-20T17:55:00.000-07:00

I think this movie describes me in, oh-so-few-hours. Hell, I think I'd like to be half as sexy as Gael Garcia Bernal, then I'd be really, really sexy. A perfect sycronization of my reality and the silver screen. I spend my day sleeping, dreaming. How do you explain what goes on in my life? I want to find someone who creates as much as they can. Can. Creation. Stream of consciousness. Yashasvi, Shalini is in India working for an HR firm where she is undergoing the reality check of post-grad life. Yash is in Japan living it up as a Study Abroad student. Gael Garcia Bernal, who has absolutely nothing to do with Yash, is a magnificent actor and a sexy one at that. There's a guy from my hometown that's going to be named, or maybe he was named, as Cosmo's sexyest guy. He's going to be on their cover, question mark? I wonder what. I looked up his data on the internet, apparently he's a townie, a good looking one at that, I wonder if he worked at Best Buy, ever? He's 26 and white, tanned, but white. Good looking. Very good looking. Proves my contention that Coloradoans are probably the best looking euro-white people in the US. I mean, we produced a "Bachelor" and now a "Cosmo guy." Heh, and that's just my hometown! Heheh. I love reality TV, I mean in the way that I hate it. God, it's such a guilty pleasure. Pleasure...heh heh heh..devil horns go up. Where is my life going?

Combini's are probably the best thing in Japan...actually there's so much about Japan that is "convenient," convenience stores being perhaps the most convenient of them all. Oden probably would be my favorite part, well it's either Oden or the racks of straight porn right near the entrance of the store...in plain sight. Japanese men are weird! Wait, men are weird! and I am one! So, I can prove that we're all weird. Crazyiness is something that afflicts all of humanity. Spaniards I think are keen on that. There was a crash on the Metro in Rome several days back, or maybe two, I wonder how the people who were injured in that crash are getting along now. Europe, and maybe even France, perhaps at its center, is something that I'd like to explore more of. This movie that I watched with Gael Garcia was realize par un directur francais...j'pense. Je ai pas lu sa biografie, mais, le film et realize par CAnal+ et le setting fue en Paris, creo. No se, quiza fue otra ciudad de Francia, pero parecia ser Parigi. Io non ho caputo tutto del'film, mai pensava che questa film e super.

J'ai faim. J'ai sommeil. Ce soir, je voudrais boire un petit vasse de l'alcool. Je voudrais plus practiquer le franccais, yin wei, j'ai oublie n grosse partie du franccais que j'avais aprendu. Yo no se si sera posible, pero intentare estudiare le franccais plus. Pour quoi voudrais-je apprendre plus? ou c'est re-apprendre? Je me sentirais plus encore plus desole. Et je l'haine etre plus desole. Je vencerai sur la desolation. Mais, je pense que ma franccais maintenant parece muy espanyol.

Snow Patrol

2006-10-18T21:21:00.000-07:00

} 18 October 2006 {

I love these lines: “For once I want to be the car crash / not always just the traffic jam / hit me hard enough to wake me / and lead me wild to your dark roads

Headlights show it all before me / so beautiful so clear
I will reach out and take it / Cause I’m so tired of all this fear
My tongue is lost so I can’t tell you / please just see it in my eyes
I’ll pull the thorns from our ripped bodies and let the blood fall in my mouth”

And another set...

“I don’t know quite how to say how I feel / Those three words are said too much / they’re not enough”

To live or not to live...that is the question...

2006-10-14T11:11:00.000-07:00

"Shakespeare in the Park! Bullshit, how about Shakespeare in the apartment!"

Alas poor Andy, I knew thee fairly too well. Whether tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of queer persecution or perchance to sleep, rest, live and love, crash and burn.

"--No one's gonna save me, love.
--The whore's can come, Trixie.
--Love!?!?"

I love the series Deadwood. I may wax philosophical about a lot of things, and wax philosophically about a lot of things that aren't that philosophical, but I do have to say today I feel well.

"Being the Peanut Gallery"

Last night I went out. Amazing for me, I know! Went to the Boom Boom Room in Laguna Beach. It's a quaint lil place, but close. Better than slashing through the 5 and 10 freeways at 9 or 10 at night to get to weho and park for 20 bux and another 20 at the bar and 20 at the club. But anyways, I think I've neglected my queer life for so long that I forgot who and what that was. I love the psychology of gay bars. There's nothing finer and more fun than being the peanut gallery. Uuuuuu! There's the 40-something surfer guy! Oh and the older white boy with his Asian/Hispanic (take your pick) twink boyfriend! Oh, and look at the adorable daddy-son couple! Umm...take a look to your left, at that cop-ish thing! The best friends, the guys making out with each other at the bar during the wet underwear contest, ahh!, la vie c'est fantastique.

"Amargo Adiós"

Asi' que no tengo tiempo para hacer un post en mi blog de espanyol, lo hare' aqui'. No se' co'mo deciroslo pero siento super alegre y super contento. Estar ayer en el club gay con pista de baile y bar musical fue algo como hacerme orgulloso de ser gay, o sea, estoy ma's seguro hoy en mi' mismo que ayer. Aunque se' que hay gente a quie'n no se aplica eta generalizacio'n...como los que no tienen vida fuera de los bares y los clubes pero existen para ellos. Pero no los juzgo, no soy juez.

sé que es tarde ya / para pedir perdón / sé que es tarde ya y lo siento / termina nuestro amor

si ya nada funciona contigo / el intento no va mas allá / no me pidas dale tiempo al tiempo / no puedo esperar

si la culpa fue tuya o fue mía / el saberlo ya no servirá / no me pidas que sea tu amigo / te aseguro no funcionará

solo unos minutos te pido / voy a ahorrarte tener que explicar / diferencia entre novio y amigo / cuanto tiempo puede funcionar / y con tequila pretendo olvidarte, / mis amigos y esta canción, / porque sé, que siempre, /que siempre es amargo el adiós.

¿Aún exsitía?

2006-10-09T19:48:00.000-07:00

"the past has gone, the future is not here, the present is what you can change..."

I don't know how to live in the moment and still be focused on my goals. How is it that one keeps their head up looking at one's goal while still knowing what to do at the next step? Having kept a regular running schedule the past two weeks, I'm slowly learning how to physically do that, the periphery vision of one is quite good at noticing things, not identifying things...I don't know how many times I've stepped in some dog's shit the past two weeks...but at least now I'm getting to the point to look at the brown blobs on the ground every once in a while.

"L'olimpiade"

Fatti forza è la vita sai che ti sfida / Ti invita a duellare con lei / Forse vinci e mollerai / Magari invece riderai / E sbagli e affoghi ma poi riuscirai / In questa grande olimpiade / Di me, di te, dell'anima!

I run. I run. I run against myself. Isn't it sad to realize that the self I run against is better prepared for the race than I am? That he's had hours, days, weeks, months, and years more training for this race? That he's had time to rest-up, that all he does is prepare himself for this race? He's better prepared and I've got my fat ass to chug up the hills, around the bends, and through the forest of my life. Nel mezzo del cammin di nostra vita... in the midway of this our mortal life...

Dante and Tiziano Ferro is such an odd mix.

My head has emptied. I will write more in my paper journal tonight..perhaps some thoughts will be posted tomorrow as well.

2006-10-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

“I feel fine.”

I’m not into ‘casual’ dating. I am in love with someone who is. I wonder how it is that other’s go through the same suffering I’m going through. How do they cope? How is it that they overcome their suffering?

I have my answer to that: throw your sadness and suffering aside, work harder at what it is that you know will create value in your life. It’s not a new answer, is it? I don’t think so. It seems to me that that’s a lot what Ikeda Sensei did as a youth…whatever challenges he faced, he brought it back to the Gohonzon and used it as inspiration to deepen his faith in his innate Buddhahood. I want to do that as well. I want romance! I deserve romance! I want to have my buddhahood recognized. I want to recognize my buddhahood and that of others as well.

“Suffer what there is to suffer…”

"Sufre lo que tenga que sufrir, goce lo que tenga que gozar. Considere el sufrimento y la alegría como hechos de la vida y continúe invocando Nam-myoho-rengue-kyo, pase lo que pase. ¿No sería esto experimentar la ilimitada alegría que proviene de la Ley? Fortalezca su fe más y más." Nichiren Daishonin.

In my SGI responsibilities, I want to be able to support all the YMD district leaders as much as I can. I hope that I can show this to my district leaders. How can we create American Kosen-rufu? I want to be able to encourage so many people to do their human revolution that these districts pop. How do I translate this desire for American Kosen-rufu into something tangible? How do I affect others to also challenge this desire for American Kosen-rufu? Sensei has created Japanese kosen-rufu and world-wide kosen-rufu; I want to respond to his desire for world-wide kosen-rufu by creating the formula for OC kosen-rufu and American kosen-rufu.

I’m best prepared for it: I have a basic understanding of “Japanese culture,” of “Hispanic culture,” of “American culture.” I lack understanding of people and of the “OC culture,” Of this, my co-leader, chapter leader, Brian Wansolich, I think has a better understanding. SUA students can fuel this American kosen-rufu, we can work toward the goal of American Kosen-rufu together. Suffering what it is that we are suffering, enjoy what it is that we are enjoying but none the less considering suffering and happiness as facts of life and continuing to chant Nam-myho-renge-kyo no matter what happens. When we do that we will experience the unlimited joy from the law. We shall strengthen our faith more than ever.

I have a mission to work toward setting the formula of American Kosen-rufu here in the OC, in Laguna Niguel, here in my house, in my community. I want to know how it is I can contribute to the wide flow of Kosen-rufu. I wish to be the person who pushed for so many ideas, for so many things.

I realize that I need to study the culture of this area, intellectually and experiencing it as well. I want to develop a life-state that can translate this desire to understand into creating bonds of friendship throughout the county of oranges.

“Gay Republicans!”

I couldn’t image what it would be like to be a gay Republican. I recognize that being a gay Republican would be the second most difficult thing a gay man could do after being a Buddhist ;). I think one who agrees to the ideals of the Republican party—I’m talking Ideals here people, not the actions—is someone who is upright. Though to be forced to work in a place where you’re asked to compartmentalize your life is something that is unbelievably horrible. I hope that these people can see breakthroughs in the Republican party. Those who work for the ‘gaying’ of the Republican party are my compatriots in living a fully gay life and I hope that they can see the breakthrough in their party. I empathize with that life…I’ve lived it. Those who work for an open-minded Republican party are ultimately worthy of great appreciation and thanks.

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/08/washington/08culture.html?ei=5094&en=a13a3dac6d27c8cb&hp=&ex=1160280000&partner=homepage&pagewanted=all

Quiet night

2006-08-22T23:37:00.000-07:00

22 | August | 2006

All play and no work make Jack a poor boy.

It’s been a while since I’ve written something. I don’t know exactly why I didn’t, but I’m beginning to see that I’m busier. Things are starting to get a lot less plannable. In my detail-oriented mind, it makes it slightly harder to work with. Heh heh heh.

I read guidance from Sensei from his mentor, Josei Toda, that everything should be well planned, well in advance. I sadly only follow this guidance in my work, and only for certain projects. I’m feeling that right now where I’m most ‘lost’ in terms of the work area, is how I exactly fit into the role I’m in. I have a few projects in mind that will hopefully work themselves out. Right now though, I have a slight amount of shoten zenjin in my co-workers and a few sansho shima among them as well. I won’t name names, but most people know who makes my job easier and who makes my job more difficult. It’s difficult to respect and encourage those who make my job more difficult, but, in the end, the rewards are there. I just have to believe in the rewarding part of it to make the difficult part a bit easier to palatate…heh…new word!

I need some time at work to just let out my thoughts.

Today, I was able to just go out and drive. I did that yesterday as well. I’m a much more happy person for that. It seems like a long time ago, but I went to pick up Chester’s computer from the FedEx Freight Station up in Placentia (near Anaheim), yesterday AND today. On the way back down yesterday, I drove the 133 down to Laguna and then took the PCH down to Dana Point. I traveled that little bit of the PCH down here in South County I’ve never been on before. Tonight, after dropping off Ko-chan and his ‘wife’ at SUA, I drove down Pacific Island Dr from Alicia Pkwy and then took Crown Valley Pkwy to the PCH and then Niguel Rd from PCH to the house. All the while, I was listening to Jazz-FM, which plays trip-hop/acid jazz, ambient, something very ‘night-time-car-driving’ kinda music. There’s something to the Incubus song “Drive.” Something about having the windows open late at night, when you just want to sit and think, or to just be alone letting the day decompress and be absorbed that helps to just feel better about yourself.

Do you ever get the slightly burning, slightly scratchy feeling on your tongue?

Slowly, I’m bittersweet about hearing about all these people who are in Boulder/Denver area. I’m first envious of the prices they’re paying for housing. Second, that they can live there and go to school there. Third, that they can be in a place that’s close to my heart.

Talking with TwoTings last night made me realize how upset I am over the “white privilege” that so many don’t realize they have. We talked about the organization Focus on the Family, arch-conservative Christian organization, that supports one-man one-woman version of marriage. For some reason or other, to me, the concept that this same certain sense of narrow-mindedness that informs this view somehow extrapolates to a very narrow view of what a ‘family’ is and what it means in Colorado to be ‘normal.’

Somehow all these concepts are linked in my mind. I don’t believe it to be a direct point-to-point link; however, it seems that the concept of privlge is mixed in with the marriage thing. This organization also seems to have a very limited idea of whom they represent (e.g. WASP Middle-class Americans). Which also makes me itch with rage.

Anyways, life goes on. I’m currently ready to pass out, so for tonight, I shall finish.

I live...I breathe.

2006-08-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

I'm doing some human revolution. Humanism. is. what it's all about.

Love is. Life is.
Learning is.

Thoroeau:

albert

2006-08-16T23:33:00.000-07:00

I would like to confirm my existence for those who have asked.

"I'm alive I'm alive...there's nothing more to it."